Seducing er Scaring Hogwarts The original
by xHanachanx
Summary: Seducing er Scaring Hogwarts, the untouched version ***Warning, very random story. May scare readers away.
1. Boring Life

Disclaimer: --sigh-- I still dont own HP...

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Me: Ladela...Simone look at me...er...us...We're gonna go on a choo choo train! CHOO CHOO! –runs around the house--

Simone: um...okay...--grabs wand out—Anyways shut up...You're gonna make a fool of us on our first day!

Me: Uh......Dude...I hate to break it to ya but you do KNOW we're still home and magic ain't allowed outside idiot.

Simone: Damn you're not stupid enough...--puts wand back in pockets—Anyways cant wait till we will be able to wear our uniforms...SKIRTS! –grins— By the way....How do you know about the No magic thingy?

Me: --has a horrid look on face and screams with a high pitch scream as soon as Simone mentions the word SKIRTS—nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Um...my ma' told me bout the magic thing...apparently I'm one of those things called pure bloods...how bout you? PSH!

Simone: Oh great now you're obsessed with the word 'PSH' and I am a pure blood stupid

Me: Duuuuuuuh of course I am! Anywaaaaaays cooooooooool. . . . PSH

Parents: HURRY UP GIRLS! NOW! I need to teach you how to teleport threw the fireplace!

Simone and me: WOAH!

This is how our adventure at Hogwarts started. We had no idea what was going on when we both received letters saying that we were accepted into Hogwarts Witch and Wizarding School. At first we both had thought it was a big joke cause for 15years of our life (Simone's case 16) We both had thought we were muggles. It turns out Hogwarts had a little bit of misunderstanding...They knew we were purebloods...but they thought we were **dead**....Rather Ironic eh? We had a tutor come to us and teach us what we had missed over the years. Our principal...er...Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore thought it was a good idea to put me in the same year Simone considering we were in both the same situation (about mistaking us for muggles). So I am supposed to pretend I am 16 when I arrive at my new school. I would be put in 6th year like my friend Simone. Simone, she is SMART so smart erg fucking bitch!! –glares darts at her while mumbling 'smart ass'--

Anyways let me continue from when we somehow teleported from my house to London...Some place called Diagon Alley...Oh yes...I forgot...I'm Michelle! And She's Simone –points to Simone--..We're Canadian...Eh!...oh...is it a little too late for that? Heh...anyways...

Michelle:--with a crazy look—LETS DO THAT AGAIN!

Simone:--cough—uh...dust!...aww look at the SQUISHY BABY!!! –tries to run but stopped from parents – NOOOooOoooooooooooooooooooooooo

Michelle: riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight...

Note to self: keep Simone away from babies.

Simone:--glares knives to Michelle which actually stabs Michelle—

Michelle: Sorry Idiots don't die –cheesy grin—

Simone: Damn

Michelle: BUT THAT HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURT!!! –cries (well at least tries)—

Simone: Psh!

Me:OH MY GOD YOU-Y-Y-YOU B- --notices parents are there—B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B....BLUE PERSON! YOU STOLE MY WORD! –Spazzez out—

Simone: --coldly—Whatever

Parents: Okay girls let's go to the platform

Michelle and Simone: Fine

Michelle: --calms down—Anyways....Don't we need tickets to get on the train?

Parents: Oh yes –both of our Parents pass us our own tickets—

Simone: Platform 9 and three-quarters? There's no such thing as that...

Parents: You'll see.

SOON

Parents: Okay...All you do is run into the wall BUH BYE! –leaves—

Michelle: Oh great they left us...

Simone: Yah...They left me with YOU!

Michelle: --shrugs—

--Simone runs threw the wall somehow—

Michelle:--still on the other side—Woooooooooooaaaaaaaah!....—runs threw and crashes into Simone on the other side—Ow...

Simone: Ow...

Random Narrator: So our two BELOVED girls crash into each other and continue walking...What will happen in the train? Dance Naked and find out!

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A/N:Okay yep this is my story so far...cluck cluck chaka chaka REVIEW! 


	2. Choo Choo!

Disclaimy thingy: I dont own Harry Pot head...er Harry Potter!

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Michelle and Simone had gotten on their train, when they sat in a random car, Simone checked the time to see they were only 10minutes left before the train departed. Earlier Simone said good bye to her gray owl while Michelle said goodbye to her ball of puff in a cage…which was a pet just full of feathers…no one knew what if it was a cat, rat, dog or an owl. 

Simone: When are you going to UN-fluff that thing?

Michelle: DON'T INSULT _MR_.Fluffikins!

Simone: That thing has a name?!

Michelle: Well not really…I just randomly made it up.

Simone: Oh. . .

Michelle: --coldly—Anyways when I bought him at the store they told me her or she…whatever Mr./Mrs./Ms./Miss Fluffikins is hasn't been unfluffed!

Simone: Er…right…

All the sudden their train slowly started to move. People were waving good bye to their parents who waved back…Michelle and Simone BOTH wondered where their parents were while looking at the beautiful scenery.

Meanwhile at Michelle's house:

--everyone cheers--

Simone's mom: THEY'RE FINALLY GONE!!! CHEERS!!!

Michelle's mom: Finally! Why didn't they take 'em off to Hogwarts earlier? Sure would'a done me a favor!

Everyone: YEAH!!

--Everyone starts dancing to 50cent—(A/N: imagine your parents doing that –shudder--)

--The parents continue their happy celebration of the two brats gone--

Back to the train:

Michelle: Well, so how do think were gonna do?…Cause I have no fucking clue how we are going to do in Hogwarts…heh heh hog WARTS. . . Sorry…

Simone:--ignores the last sentence-- I dunno I ho-

--Simone is interrupted by four students opening the door—

Guy with brown hair: Hey uh…d'ya mind if we sit here? All the seats are taken except here.

Simone: We don't mind at all…

Michelle: --shrugs--

--a couple minutes of silence—

Bushy brown haired girl: Well uh…I'm Hermione, Hermione Granger!

Simone: Nice to meet you…

Red Hair guy: I'm Ron Weasley and this is my little sist-

Small red haired girl: I can introduce my self RON! I'm Ginny Weasley nice to meet you

Brown hair guy: I'm Harry, Harry Potter

Harry was expecting the two girls to stare curiously at his forehead like everyone in the past has or murmer….But to his surprise their reaction was normal for once…They had treated him like he was a normal kid not some boy who got his parents killed by _You-Know-Who _but they treated him like he was a boy who had a regular life just like everyone else.

Simone: Nice to meet you! I'm Simone Castelle (A/N: Yes that is my lame made up last name.) I'm gonna be in 6th grade with my friend….oh god she's dozed off again…sorry bout that –slaps Michelle—WAKE UP!!!

Michelle: OW YOU BITCH!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR!?!?! I'M GONNA GE-…Oh um er…hi...heh…heh heh…Sorry 'bout that. I'm a bit of a day dreamer ya know?..heh heh –nervously looks around—

Simone: Introduce your self…

Michelle: Heh heh right…I knew that…

Simone: --mumbles—ya right…

Michelle: I'm Michelle Parsen (A/N: Yes another one of my lame made up names)….Uh…ya heh…

Ron: Uh…Michelle your'e tall and all but aren't you a little short for sixth year?

--Simone bursts into laughter--

Michelle:--trying to keep calm-- Weeeeeeeeeeell, I WAS supposed to be in 5th but Dumbledore, Good man…thought I should be with my friend Simone…

Simone: Hehehehehe Shoooooortie.

Michelle:--desperately trying to ignore Simone—So…uh…What's Hogwarts like? –hits Simone in the face trying to look like as if an accident--……oops!

Hermione: Well, its an extremely excellent school, read _Hogwarts- A History_ its an excellent book, I really must say!

Ron: Don't mind her…She's a little of a book worm…

Hermione: I AM NOT!…though books are really fascinating…

Michelle: If you like books I'm sure you'll get along reaaaaaal well with Simone here.

--Simone shrugs--

Ginny: So…Why weren't you guys here in your first year?

Simone: Well, everyone thought we were dead considering we were called those things called purebloods…or something…Than year after year our parents thought they would soon mail us until just this year march, my mother owled Dumbledore…Our parents never told us about we were witches…So at the end of July we finally got our letters and they tutored us for what we missed for the past 5years.

Ginny: Oh!, Well uh we all should change into our uniforms now...cause we are getting close…Let me and Hermione take you to the bathroom…

Michelle: --groans—skirts…ugh…

Random Narrator pops out of no where with golden curls with her bra and underwear on top of her regular clothes: SOON THEY CHANGE AND THEY BECOME FRIENDS WITH HARRY POTTER AND THE GANG…WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? WATCH OUT CAUSE THOSE LAME PEOPLE IN SPANDEX WILL COME AFTER YOU!!! (a.k.a. power rangers…)!! TA TA!

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A/N: Well hope u like second chappie…It will get better I promise….ooOOh theres an ass mark in my chair! Anyways ya…hope ya review! Chuga chuga bleep bleep REVIEW REVIEW! 


	3. Balls

Disiclaimy: I DONT OWN HP!!!

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**I need to know if anyone is reading this...If you are, please review...you can say yep Im reading it!! so please just review! and gimmie a suggestion if you can :D **

'All y'eh first 'ears come towards me!..O' an' those new sixth 'ears come too!'

Rubeus Hagrid (A/N: --panicks-- did I spell it right?!?) yelled while all the first years murmured at the sight of him talking with excitement. Some were even poking him…So that's why he was twitching!

Simone whispered into Michelle's ear 'I wonder how big his groin is…' Of course no one could hear that.

'Well, I hope to see ya people later! Bye!' Harry said smiling, he was happy that they had treated him like Voldemort never killed his parents…But a small portion of him wanted them to pity him.

'Uh…Bye!!…' Michelle waved while asking 'Simone what happens next?' She asked with a curious look on her face.

'How the hell should I know?!' Simone said in a bad mood than started mumbling angrily that Michelle couldn't quite read out.

'That time of month?'

'Yeah…But can blame me now for being a bitch!!' Simone answered with a huge cheesy grin with a small evil chuckle.

'Oh great…a weeks worth of bitching coming right up' Michelle said without changing the tone. 'Just wait till my turn…which is soon I'll get ya back for this week!!'

After that Hagrid took 'em on the boats and Michelle almost fell out into the water because she was busy screaming _'FISHIES!!'_ with all the first years mumbling how weird she was. When they arrived they climbed a flight of stairs and stopped to see a cat that was gray and had beautiful black stripes. The lovely cat transformed into an old ugly witch with glasses and again the first years started murmuring with excitement, while some clapped.

'Hello, welcome to Hogwarts. I am Minerva McGonagall, please wait here and wait to be sorted and for our new 6th years… Go in with them, Professor Dumbledore will explain everything to everyone about why you are coming at this time. Now I must go off I will be back!' McGonagall said in quite a hurry leaving Michelle, Simone and the first years. After 20minutes of waiting McGonagall came running and opened the doors, everyone was just standing there looking at the view before them, some even had their mouth wide open.

'Well, hurry on!! They aren't waiting for you all day!' McGonagall had said sternly.

Everyone nodded and paced into the great wall looking around them selves to see a starry ceiling above them. Finally they stopped right in front of the sorting hat while Dumbledore welcomed them all warmly with his usual happy twinkle in his eyes said his warnings and the sorting hat started singing his song.

'_A thousand years or more ago,_

_When I was newly sewn,_

_There lived four wizards of renown,_

_Whose names are still well known:_

_Bold Gryffindor, from wild moor,_

_Fair Ravenclaw, from glen, _

_Sweet Hufflepuff, from valley broad,_

_Shrewd Slytherin, from fen._

_They shared a wish, a hope, a dream,_

_They hatched a daring plan._

_To educate young sorcerers_

_Thus Hogwarts School begun. _

_Now each of these four founders_

_Formed their own house, for each_

_Did value different virtues _

_In the ones they had to teach._

_By Gryffindor, the bravest were_

_Prized far beyond the rest;_

_For Ravenclaw, the cleverest _

_Would always be the best; _

_For Hufflepuff, hard workers were_

_Most worthy of admission;_

_And power-hungry Slytherin _

_Loved those with great ambition._

_While still alive they did divide_

_Their favorites from the throng,_

_Yet how to pick the worthy ones_

_When they were dead and gone?_

'_Twas Gryffindor who found the way,_

_He whipped me off his head_

_The founders put some brains in me_

_So I could choose instead!_

_Now slip me snug about the ears,_

_I've never yet been wrong,_

_I'll have a look inside your mind _

_And tell where you belong._'

The Hat Sang, everyone looked at the hat and stared with delight…

Our two heroines just stood there Simone was looking around for any hot guys while Michelle was thinking of shoving a lollipop into the Sorting hat…WHAT WILL HAPPEN?!?

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A/N: hello, Fanfic wasnt letting me update so I was like...WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA so yep...anyways REVIEW! 


	4. lollipop,lollipop oh lolli lollipop

Dislaimah!: weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I DONT OWN IT LA!

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Soon all the first years had been placed into their house except Michelle and Simone.

''Simone Castelle!'' McGonagall's firm voiced echoed the hall.

Simone slowly walked towards the hat sat down, and placed it on her head. She could see all the students of Hogwarts watching her and even feel the eyes of the teachers watching her back.

'Nervous eh?'

Simone sat there quietly while the Sorting hat thought of her house.

'Hmm…good grades, a bit of bravery OH! I'm sorry I found that out…' Growled the hat.

'Found out what?' Simone asked anxiously.

'Time of month eh?'

Simone just sat their saying nothing while she was bright pink.

And quietly replied with a slight pissed off voice,

'Yeah…'

'GRYFFINDOR!!!'

Simone whispered 'Good Luck' to Michelle on her way to her way to her new house who were all clapping and cheering.

'Michelle Parsen!' Again McGonagall's voice echoed the hall while everyone calmed down and stared at Michelle.

Michelle walked to the hat picked it up placed it on her head and sat down…

'_OooOh what a great ragged hat…_' Michelle had thought in her head while staring at Simone was just sitting there facing towards a table…She was staring at a blond boy…Dreamily.

'Oh yeah I'm a pretty ragged hat!' The hat snorted.

'_You can read minds?!'_ Michelle thought again.

'Yeah! I can!' the Sorting hat said aloud.

'_Ic ic…Nice song by the way…Do you like Bertie Bots?'_ Michelle asked wondering.

'No…Want to try 'em soon!' the hat said with a bit of drool coming out of his mouth.

'_Er…ic…'_ Michelle had replied wiping the drool off her arm with disgust.

After a fine conversation with the hat, Michelle was supposed to be in either Gryffindor or Slytherin.

Michelle just sat there looking around with boredom while the sorting hat was in so much confusion, it didn't know which to place in.

'Ladela……hmmm' Michelle all the sudden asks the hat by thinking…_Want a lollipop?_

'Huh? Oh ya sure!…what ever it is' The hat replied grumpily.

So everyone was watching and all the sudden Michelle got something out of her robes and SHOVED it in the hat's mouth. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled with curiosity. Wondering what the girl had just shoved in.

'Mmmm…This stuff is good….HEADMASTER you absolutely MUST buy me what they call 'lolliiiii pops'!!' the hat said munching his new lollipop.

'Lollipops' Michelle corrected the hat.

'Oh' The hat mumbled while munching on his lollipop.

Everyone was murmuring how they never knew the hat could eat.

Michelle and the hat were having another interesting conversation.

Simone just sat there rolling her eyes and talking with Hermione asking her where the library was.

The teachers were talking about how a happy student Michelle was, except Severus Snape.

'EHEM!' At the sound of this everyone was quiet and turned around to see who it was. It was Severus Snape.

'Hat, I think you should be FINISHED sorting Ms. Parsen seeing that it has been already 20minutes when she had placed you on her head.' His voice echoed the hallway.

Michelle was half-asleep from boredom and didn't even bother to look around to see who the voice belonged to.

'Um..right…uh…jeez Which should you been in?!?!? Slytherin or Gryffindor…Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor…SLYTHIFFINDOR!!!' The hat gasped.

'Slyithiffindor what the heck is that?' McGonagall asked.

'I have no idea…I hoped I could get away with that and end this damn thing…this is too confusing. Ugh…I'll just choose for happiness…GRYFFINDOR!!!' The hat yelled….'But you will do well with Slytherin's…Ah…maybe I can arrange with the Headmaster for you to be in both…Oh Well Ta-Ta…Hope to see you soon!'

Michelle put the hat back on its stool, waved good bye and joined her clapping house, Gryffindor.

She sat beside Simone.

'What the hell did you do that for stuffing a lollipop in that …hat…? IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!!!'

'Hehe…Oh well slow poke!' Michelle grinned replying to Simone who just sat there crossing her arms.

So the two freaks were escorted to their house told the passwords and etc…They snored away and found out they have classes tomorrow and snoozed off. What will happen? Will they feel the greasy haired teacher's wrath to the Gryffindor's? Or what?!?!?! Review AND FIND OUT! –random narrator jumps and flies away into the distance wearing a ''Super Bitch'' costume.

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A/N: Review lala! Review lala! REEEEEEEVIEEEEEEEEEEW! --splat-- 


	5. Joining Slytherin

Disclaimer:

I don't own Hp

A/N:

Okay I'm in a a hurry so it might not be like…. Masterpiece ish…yeah so DON'T FLAME ME FOR THIS CHAPPIE –cries—

Oh yes Thanks a whooooooooole bunch for those who reviewed!

**Fake**: Very funy. Love the story...and we all love lolli pops...drools..

(Mini note from me: I AGREE!!! –drools--)

**chocolate creme**: yay michelle!! it's me simone..DRACO IS SEXY! god you have to update! add that

part that you told me about on the phone..i'm writing one too..I'M NOT COPYING

YOURS!

(Mini note from me: Okie dokie good luck!!!)

Michelle's POV

Well, I woke up today to people mumbling and rattling from my suit case.

Everyone stood around scared. I rubbed my eyes…BOY!!! Am I tired and excited! Ugh…What's this commotion about? Ugh…Oh…Its him again, my second pet brought to Hogwarts…Curious eh?

'Good MORNING!!!' I said happily while some jumped with surprise while others screamed.

'Oh thanks I feel so welcomed…Yes I know I'm scary…' I said muttering while rolling my eyes to Neville who was pale blue staring at my suitcase.

'er…Michelle what do you have in that….suitcase of yours?' He asked

'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! That's E.T he used to live in my closet. But I decided to bring him.' I said with a huge grin.

'Your…Your joking right!' Neville asked seriously.

At this all the sudden my suitcase made sounds,

The thing inside screamed.

'E.T PHONE HOOOOME!!!' The thing said with a muffled mental voice. Hum de dum

I'm just an innocent little girl that does not know a thing.

Everyone started screaming…well only those girly girls…GEEZ everything scares them everyone else was just like squinting.

I walked up to my suitcase while everyone stared at me like I was some genius or…you know something smart yeah…someone that walks up and people shut up.

I opened my suit case and all the sudden E.T comes running out screaming

'E.T GO HOOOOOOOOOOOOME!!!' He screamed running around while everyone ran away screaming. E.T finally found a way to get out…Ok Ok I was forced to set him free considering he was screaming 'E.T GO HOME!!!'.

Everyone one was shivering…Chickens…Well I don't blame 'em…If something like that woke me up in the morning I would be KINDA scared…But I might be too high. Well I better get ready into my stinkin bloody preppy uniform. UGH SKIRTS I HATE 'em!!!

I got out my clothes and noticed I had a new badge on my uniforms…except mine was different. My scarf was different too. It was Red, Gold, Green and Black…OoooOoo tackiness. Why does everything weird have to be me? Oh weeell I don't give a flying fuck anyways. My housemates all the sudden looked at me with shock when I came into the main room thingy majiger of my house. I asked what was going on. They pointed to my badge. Some scowled…What's so bad about a badge that's been placed there without you knowing?…Okay but maybe that's bad…but the hell cares?…Um okay maybe everyone in my house. I decided to ask.

'What's wrong though?'

'You have Slytherin color mixed on you!'

'What's bad about that?'

'Everything'

'Erm…Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. OH WELL LADELALALALAALALALAALALAA' I said skipping out the door meeting Simone who was wearing the SAME FRICKEN COLOR AS EVERYONE ELSE!!!

Jeez am I pissed off…Oh well…--eats lollipop in pockets—HAPPINESS RESTORED LA! Me and Simone talked following the other students. We were excited for our first classes…kinda geeky but whatever. Who cares?…Well maybe so- AGHHHHHHHHHHHH SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!…hmm….maybe Simone's pissy bitch mood is contagious……..AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH….Heh heh Super bitch to the rescue! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Anyways Simone and I got in to the Great hall. Yesterday was the greatest Mm! I have never seen that much food in my life. I was talking to Simone about E.T until she became quiet and started looking at a different table. OoooO they look evil muwahahhahaha…Why am I laughing evilly? OH WELL. I looked at Simone who was staring at some hot blonde guy…WOAH! NOW THAT'S BLONDE! Did he like…Bleach it a couple thousand times? WOAAAAAAAAAH. I should try that on someone when they are sleeping –twisted grin--.

We sat down and she still was staring at him…Oh dear god I can read her eyes…She's obsessed with him.

'Ooo I pity him' I said with an evil grin.

'…………………………………………………What who?' Simone said shaking her head like waking up from a trance.

'The poor guy whose gonna be stuck with you drooling all over him' I said rolling my eyes.

'……………………..I wish I had a camera so I can stare at him all day and night'

'You really paid no fucking attention to what I just said didn't you?'

'Mhmmm ok sure oooooooooooooooooooooooh he is sexy!'

'Oh god.' I said turning around to greet Harry.

'Hey Harry!'

'Hey Michelle!…Hahaha I heard about the rampage in the girls dormitory! Nice one!'

'Hehe thanks!…Oh hey Ron, hey Hermione!'

'Hi!' They both answered. Awww look at 'em holding hands and everything…Psh stupid mushy love screws you up! All the sudden some one yells at them.

'Look its Weasel and Mudblood!'

A Weasel and a who? What the hell is Mudblood.  
All the sudden Ron turns pink from anger and Hermione glares at the bleach blond boy…

'Shut up Ferret boy' Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay that was Harry, but WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH THESE ANIMALS!?!? Weasel, Ferret, Weasel, Ferret, Weasel, Ferret…DUUUUUUUUUUDE what's up with that?!…WAIT I KNOW! Ron is obsessed with Weasels and that blond guy Simone is obsessed with is obsessed with ferrets…WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL LOVERS IS THAT?!!?  
I decided to ask.

'What's a Mudblood?…If its anything insulting I'm sorry…' I asked Hermione.

'It means dirty blood. It means that you're not Pure blood ' Hermione answered sadly.  
'What?!? Who did he say that to?'

'Me'

'That's stupid. Cause I don't think you have dirty blood! What's so bad about having Muggle blood?'

'Everything apparently to him…Because he is a Malfoy.'

'One thing again…WHATS WITH ALL THE ANIMAL NAMES?!!?!?'

'He calls me Weasel because my last name is Weasley.' Ron told me.

'Oh…WHATS WITH THE NAME FERRET BOY THOUGH?!?!?''

At this the three of them grin…I've never seen anyone grin bigger than that…ITS UN HEALTHY!.

'Oh…Let's just say Malfoy over there has once an terrible experience of being a ferret and bounced. It was price le-'  
Ron was interrupted by bleach boy, who seemed to be right beside us. Simone had some messed up lovey dovey daze…Told ya love screws you up…

'I won't have you talk about that in front of another Slytherin…Like me…Well half Slytherin…Now Weasely why don't you play with your little Mudblood…Cause its going to be the farthest you're ever gonna go in life.'

'DON'T INSULT HERMIONE!' Ron was pink.

'Well, I don't care what the hell is her first name…She will always be a stupid mudblood to me.' He replied coldly.

HOLD IT IN MICHELLE! HOLD IT IN MICHELLE! HOLD IT IN MICHELLE. HOLD IT IN! HOLD IT IN! HOLD IT I-

'I'm sorry I'm just curious…Why is you're hair so…Blonde…? Did ya bleach it?'  
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH STUPID MICHELLE STUPID MICHELLE STUPID MICHELLE. Hermione, Ron and Harry were rolling on the floor holding their stomach laughing.

'Bleach? What the hell…I happen to be au natural!' Bleach bo- er au natural boy said.

'It's stuff you die your hair with in the muggle world.' Hermione said laughing.

'Ah…So you're a Mudblood to eh? Well I wonder why you're in Slytherin?' He said turning coldly to me.

'Uh…Dude…I'm a Pureblood. I'm sure you should know by my last name' I replied coldly back at him.

'Oh…Well than!' He said with a shocked look.  
'Right…er….I'm sorry for insulting you fellow Slytherin' He continued  
'Please sit with you're fellow Slytherin's…Not with these slime balls.' He said but sneering at the last sentence to everyone except me. He held out a hand.  
I looked around, my house was telling me not to go…I had an little idea.

'Oooh. I have to talk with the Slime balls.'(A/N: That is freaky. As soon as I typed Slime balls I got an email from someone named Slime lol!) …My house glared at me.  
'Ok but you'll regret it' he said it in a cocky voice.  
So I whispered into Hermione to whisper to the rest of the house that ' didn't mean that just watch me pretend I'm some cocky freak, and also play along.'  
Hermione said secretly grinned and agreed.

'I think I'm going to leave the dork table. Granger, you may not agree but I am still going considering its MY choice.' I said coldly while standing up and joining Malfoy. Simone looked hurt and jealous. 'Later dork table' I said sneering. While Malfoy smirked….NOW THAT'S A TRADE MARK! And escorted me to the Slytherin table.

As soon as I sat down at my other house table I saw Hermione telling the rest of the table what I was up to. Everyone grinned and nodded, Simone glared darts to me while I pretended that I didn't see her.  
'I wonder what the hell Granger is up to? Not that I care of course' I said to my other housemates in a cocky voice. Than this fat…may I remind you FAT girl cooed to Malfoy,  
' I always knew you had a good sense of picking people to join our table' She said fluttering her eyelashes…Oh that's a nasty sight.  
'Get away from me Parkinson' Malfoy sneered to the girl.

'Draco!!!' She whined. Trying to hug him but he was just pushing her off.

'Anyways, I really do wonder I really do wonder what Granger is up to.' Malfoy said turning to me.

'Oh yes. I never introduced my self. I'm Draco Malfoy, call me Draco. And these two are Crabbe and Goyle, and this is Pansy.'

'You never said I could call you Draco when I met you!' Pansy said pouting.

'Well, for a fact I know uh…What's your name again?' He asked me.

'Michelle Parsen' I replied coolly.

'Well, I know that Michelle won't try to what you call ''seducing'' to me.' He said turning to Pansy coldly. Ahahaha the thought of me trying to seduce him is priceless. Me seducing another guy, now that's a thought! Hahahahaha…But that's an idea I thought slyly.  
Than one of the fat boons turned to me…I think it was Goyle.

'So…I hear you're part Gryffindor and Slytherin.' He said checking me out about a hundred times. HELP ME GOD….NOW!

'Isn't it obvious…I'm stuck with two tacky colors, Red and Gold!…And Please, stop checking me out…It's disturbing enough.' I said coolly.  
Every Slytherin laughed while Goyle blushed.  
'Good one Michelle!' Draco said slapping me on the back with approval.  
Pansy turned to me and laughed 'Nice one, I love you're vocabulary! Want to paint nails?' She said turning to me in her weird accent.

'Uh…sure…' I said…I hate it but its all worth it to see her wearing a green mask.  
--Random Narrator pops out of no where wearing a bikini—Noooooooow What will happen to Michelle at the Slytherin table?!?! Read and FIND OUT TA TA! –Surfing U.S.A plays in the background while the narrator surfs but falls right off—

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A/N: Thanks for you're reviews peeps! 


	6. Why me?

**Disclaimer: **Hello once again I shall say I don't own Hp…There I said it.

**WARNING:** This story contains weird freakiness. So I warn you NOW! Muwahahahahahaha –still is laughing in an evil scientist laugh—

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_**Sarah( ): **_OMFG! This is veddy veddy funny story! Okee... um, I can't wait to see what  
happens next! :)

(mini note from me: Thanks!! Oh and I have looooooooooootsa plans coming up especially for a later chapter that includes me smashing things.)

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**_Michelle's POV_**

So after breakfast I went back to Gryffindor, but than Professor Dumbledore came to me and said he would like a word with me. I nodded and waved good bye to my housemates.

Soon we got to some big door with a gargoyle sitting there.

'Hershey's Chocolate' Dumbledore said with his eyes twinkling.

What an interesting password…Oh great now I have cravings. Mmmmm Chooooocooooooolate.

We went up the stairs while I was looking at Dumbledore's robes. They looked so silky. We finally got to his office. Quite homey…

'Sorting hat!!!' I exclaimed with out thinking.

'Oh! You're here! Hello!' He grunted.

I smiled. Than Dumbledore told me to have a seat. Boy is his couch comfy. Ladela.

'I like your comfy chair professor!' I said happily while thinking _Heeeerrrrsheeeys mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm –drools—_

He smiled back. 'Thank you Ms.Parsen'

'Well, anyways, I would like to talk to you about this morning and yesterday'

He continued.

_Uh oh_

'It seems that you get along quite well with both houses. So that is why your scarf is…that color. The sorting and I were having a conversation about we should place you in both houses. That is why you have both colors. Now would you like to have the joy to be in both houses? Or one?' He asked smiling.

Whew I'm not in trouble…I thought I was caught!

I smiled 'Is it really okay for me to be in both?!' I asked excitedly.

He nodded, I grinned. 'Than I would like to be in both Professor!' I said happily.

'Okay! Well I shall tell you the Slytherin password and have Ms. Parkinson escort you to the Slytherin Dormitories. Tonight you can choose to sleep in which ever Dormitory and I'm sure the others will show you a bed' He told me still smiling and his glasses twinkling.

Just before I was about to leave I asked,

'Professor, would you like a lollipop?'

He had a look of a very happy child and he nodded, his eyes twinkling with curiosity.

I passed him an orange flavored lollipop. He opened the wrapper and just held it.

'Erm…How do you hold this?' He asked. I laughed and showed him. He put it in his mouth.

'Mmm! Orange! Well! I'm not gonna keep you here! Thank you Ms.Parsen and if you ever need me again you know my password!'

'Thank you!' I skipped off and I heard him while leaving talking to the hat.

'What an happy child.'

* * *

'Hey guys!' said catching up to Draco, Pansy, Crabbe and ugh…Goyle.

'Hey Michelle' All four of them said.

'How yah doing!' Pansy said in her uh er..fat er chubby er uh piggy voice…That's the word.

'Well, Dumbledore said I can hang in both houses.'

'Sweet!' Draco replied.

'Well, I've got business to attend to!' Pansy said eyeing a hot first year running off.

'Um…right….' Draco said.

'Yeah…Right!' Crabbe and Goyle trying to sound as superior as him.

We were chatting until Goyle put his fucking HEAVY arm around me.

'Uh…Goyle, do you mind?' I said with a light bit of anger in my tone. But, it didn't seem to get threw his thick skull probably like bounced right off him considering how blubbery he is.

WHY ME?…Go after some one else. I can kick and I've sent a guy to the hospital for kicking him in the nuts! (A/n: Seriously I have.)

Thankfully Draco noticed.

'Dude she's my girl' He said hugging me. Goyle released me but I was pissed off, I muttered 'Let me go' so only he could hear me that he said 'later.'

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU! WHY ME AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I HATE GUYS!…NO PEOPLE IM NOT FUCKING LESBIAN!!! ARRG!

So I'm pissed fucking pissed off.

Finally he releases me. I swear if ANYONE does that again…I shall rip their balls and make them eat them with a knife and fork! Roar!

I decided to get my stuff from the Gryffindor Dormitory explaining everything. Simone glared jealously at me and followed me.

'If you are trying to steal him I'm going to kill you.' She sneered.

'Oh. Please oh mighty Simone tell me how I am going to die! No..Please Don't kill me! I bow down before your knees your highness!' I said sarcastically.

'Seriously, relax! Who'd want him?…Wait obviously you…And Pansy.' I said

'WHAT!?' she screamed into a rage.

'Well, don't just stand there! Class is going to start soon!' I said picking up some of my stuff. Finally I managed to carry some of my stuff to the Slytherin Dormitory. I muttered the password to see Pansy waiting for me.

'Michelle you're here! Here let me help you!' She said than sneering to Simone. Oh no cat fight.

Simone scowled and than said 'Bye Michelle see ya later!'

Oh dear dear dear dear.

After throwing my stuff on my green sheets Me, Pansy, Draco, Goyle and Crabbe grabbed our Potions text book and ran to class…But than we started to walk. Draco sneering at the Gryffindor's and shaking his arm that Pansy clinging on to, Me just talking to Pansy staying FAR FAR FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR! Away from Goyle yuck. While Goyle and Crabbe were talking. We walked in…God where the hell should I sit. Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Slytherin…AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh

I was panicking looking to the left and looking to the right wondering where the hell I should sit…I quickly decided to sit with the Slytherin's and Gryffindor next time…Potions eh? Evil plans…I see Neville rocking back and fourth panicking wondering where his text book was. I pity him…Well, the teacher will surly forgive him wont they?

**BOOM!!!**

I turned around to around to see a **greasy** goth wannabe. Oi. He barged in saying something about he wouldn't tolerate any misbehavior…Damn…I'm not going to be doing great in this class. All the sudden he turned on his heels.

'I am Severus Snape. I will be teach-' He tried to continue than saw me…He took a better look at my badge.

'What the flying fuck is this badge?' He said

Oh great…If we could choose our own clothes I'd surely be wearing a shirt that says

'STOP STARING AT MY TITS!' That will get him for sure. Ewwww greasy hair…I wonder what would happen if I took a good whiff of his hair…I shuddered…Okay you can stop staring at my boob now.

'What is the meaning of this……Ms……..Parsen!'

'Dumbledore said I am in both Gryffindor and Slytherin…'

Snapes POV 

'Oh…God…' I panicked…If I take points away from her I would be taking away points from my house AGH! These tacky colors! Nooooooooooooooooooo…This must be a trick.

'Well…I see…Um on with class' ME SEVERUS SNAPE!!! I HAVE STAMMERED! OH I AM A DISGRACE TO THE NAME SNAPE!

After I made partners I assigned them to brew a potion. I'm getting too old for this…UGH.

Normal POV 

'Pansy! Get your fucking blubbery arms off me!' Malfoy said. 'Draky!!!' Pansy whined.

'Touch me and I'll fucking twist your balls out and make you eat 'em with a fork and knife' Michelle scowled while Goyle whimpered. Harry was with Simone. 'So what do we do?' Simone asked Harry who just shrugged...

ZAP!

Everyone turned around to see.....

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Random Narrator: AHOOOOY MATEY! WASSUP U FOO's! Now well I'm wearing mypimp hat and your'e wearing your cheesy dunce hat...Well thanksto those who have been reviewing --nudgenudge wink wink say no more say no more--! Well Read again!

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A/N: Yes...**1 MORE REVIEW GETS ANOTHER CHAPPIE!** _anyways how do you like it so far? Reviews --grin--? _Also I have my end of term exams so it might be a little hard! --cries-- Well anyways chuga ching bada boom Review cluck cluck! 


	7. Down Draco Down!

Disclaimer:

I Don't own Hp!…But you know…If you want…(I wish!)

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Our thankful reviewer that got us this chapter!:

**Sarah( )**

Hey! Another Funny chappie! YAY!... yeah... starts singing Ushers 'Yeah'...I

have a veddy bad singin voice... Okee... Can't wait to see what happens next! :)

(mini note from me: Thank you! –bows—nah I bet you don't suck at singing!! I sound like some one who is scratching the chalk board when I sing!! Hehehe yeah! Usher rox!! Anyways thanks for reviewing!)

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Everyone saw Elmo come out of Neville's Cauldron.

Girls awed while the guys were just sat there like what the hell is going on.

'P-Professor…E-Elmo came out of my Cauldron.' Neville squeaked.

'Well isn't that obvious!' The icy voice of Snape said glaring at his child hood horror toy.

Snape was scared of Elmo but refused to show it. Well There is a reason Snape hates muggle toys…Especially ELMO! When he was a small little boy, around seven or eight his mother bought him a muggle toy. It was his first time he ever got a muggle toy. It hugged the furry thing and asked

'What's your name?'

Elmo, since it was a toy only replied,

'Hi! I like to be tickled hehehe!'

Since he was a little boy he didn't quite understand these things. But Severus was quite a violent little child until that day. When he got really jumpy after this, even if little kids called his name…The memory stuck to him like glue. Something really horrible happened. Elmo didn't answer the things he asked…About 5 minutes of asking he smashed Elmo. But than blood came trickling out of Elmo while saying 'Elmo loves you…' He had been scared ever since. There was something horrifying about this. He can laugh at it but he is still scared. And today, Elmo has come back.

Snape watched to see what happens next. Elmo slowly turned towards his way.

'Elmo knows where you live…' Elmo said.

The whole class flinched at the freakiness of the monster.

Trying to remain calm Snape just glared at the thing.

'And?' He said coldly.

'Elmo also knows why you don't smile…'

_Oh no PLEASE don't say why. PLEASE! _Snape pleaded in his mind.By this the whole class was listening carefully.

'It's because…'

_NONONO!!!_ Snape screamed in his head.

'It's because you get…'

'SCILENCE!' Snape screamed.

'Well. Elmo will continue to tickle you if you don't tell everyone' Elmo giggled.

'What?' Snape shuddered.

Elmo got closer and closer

'Don't you _dare _get close to me' Snape said holding a wand.

'Elmo's coming for you' Elmo said in a singing like voice.

Everyone gasped with horror. This little creature was a mad furry thing on the loose.

'Aghh!! _Expelliarmus!_ ' Snape yelled but it bounced right off of Elmo and almost hit Snape. When the spell missed Snape everyone was upset.

'Fine! I'll reveal it!!' Screamed Snape.

'Ooooh too bad you don't want to play tickle me Elmo!' Elmo said sadly.

'Er…right' Snape said

'Hurry up or Elmo will hump you!'

'AGHH!!! I'm hurrying I'm hurrying!…I don't smile becauseifIdoIgetdimples!' spluttered Snape.

'English please' Elmo said playing a piano that looked like it was drawn and colored in a sketchy way.

'I. DON'T. SMILE. BECAUSE. IF. I. DO. I. GET. DIMPLES.' Snape said looking like he was gonna burst a vain.

'Ok! Elmo's work here is done! Bye bye!' Elmo said jumping back in to the Cauldron.

'What the-!?!?' Spluttered Snape while everyone waved goodbye while sniggering at the reason why Snape didn't smile.

After Potions was over everyone was murmuring about how exciting Potions was.

Michelle noticed the look on Simone's face how she looked like she wanted Draco.

Michelle sighed and walked up to Draco.

'Draco, I need to talk to you about something privately...Don't worry Pansy I don't like him' Michelle said seriously but rolling her eyes in the last sentence.

Pansy de-clinged from Draco while Michelle and Draco took a different path to Defense Against Dark Arts. While walking off Michelle could feel the jealous stare of Simone from her back.

'So…What do you need to talk to me about?' Draco asked.

'Well, you know my friend who's in Gryffindor?'

'Which one?' Draco smirked.

'The one that came to Hogwarts with me.'

'Oh…yeah. What about her?'

'Well…She kinda…er…Well maybe REALLY…Fancies you.'

Draco smirked

_The Prince of Slytherin STRIKES AGAIN! Oh man all the girls love me…except a few but I know Granger can't resist my sexiness. I shall soon be a sex god!!!! _Draco thought praying that Michelle couldn't read minds.

'Uh…So what do you want me to do?' Draco asked feeling uneasy.

'Can you say something nice or be her partner in one class? It will really make her day.' Michelle said.

What these two didn't know is that Simone was silently listening to Michelle and Draco's conversation.

'Sure. That's easy…' Draco shrugged.

Simone felt like she could hug them both…But she remembered that they didn't know she was there.

Soon they all got to DADA.

And there new teacher…er…well their old teacher was there! It was Remus Lupin!

Everyone was happy including the Slytherin's.

'Well its very good to be back! Well today we are going to work with Angelic flower pixies. These pixies are very beautiful pixies, they can read minds and grant them too if they are good. They are sweet and loving creatures…But they cant mess with people's minds or switch wishes…and…er…Guys will um have a little problem…You will see…They weakest point is to look extremely ugly, so think of the ugliest thing in the world while saying the spell. Does anyone know what color they are? Ah…Ms. Granger?' Lupin said smiling at the class who were all smiling back at him.

'They are yellow but have a beautiful goldish orb around them' Hermione said with pride.

'Wonderful! Take 10 points Gryffindor! Now we need to get in pairs. You can be in different houses, We will be working with them for a week. Now get into pairs please and I will bring you a cage with one pixie in it. But please do not open it until I tell you the proper spell!'

Draco quickly went up to Simone.

'Hey, wanna be partners? Cause Pansy is gonna wish for me to marry her if you don't.'

Draco said smirking.

'S-Sure!' Simone said quite red.

Michelle was partners with Harry. Hermione and Ron (The couple) were partners. Pansy and Goyle were partners. While Crabbe and Ginny were busy scowling each other were partners.

'Now get your wands out! Just flick and repeat the word I say, _fremilius _(A/N: I don't know Latin so I'm just making up a random word heheheh)

They all sat down. Draco and Simone decided Draco should open the cage. Draco opened the cage, one beautiful pixie came out wearing an extremely short short one piece…practically revealing everything.

Draco could feel him self getting a hard on…He couldn't have a hard on in class…Oh no oh no no no!

_Down Draco Down!! Cold showers, Naked Hagrid, Naked Death eaters dancing around! AGHHHHHH!!! Mental images mental images! Now I'm just traumatized!!! _Draco thought. Than the Pixie walked towards Simone.

'F-Fremilius…' Simone said nervously but nothing happened.

Draco realized she didn't flick her wand properly.

'Here…' Draco said holding her hand showing her how to flick it properly.

Simone was bright pink.

'Thanks…' she said quietly.

The pixie now walked over Draco seductively.

'Fremilius!' He said thinking of the ugliest thing in the world.

Than the pixie all the sudden…

1 more review gets another chappie! 1 more review gets another chappie! 1 more review gets another chappie! 1 more review gets another chappie! 1 more review gets another chappie! 1 more review gets another chappie! 1 more review gets another chappie! 1 more review gets another chappie! 1 more review gets another chappie! 1 more review gets another chappie! 1 more review gets another chappie! 1 more review gets another chappie! 1 more review gets another chappie! 1 more review gets another chappie!

Random Narrator: Hello Hello! What will happen to the pixie? What kind of ugly thing will it turn into? Read on to find out and remember! **1 more review gets another chappie!**

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**A/N:** Hello everyone! Thanks for those who have been reviewing and reading! I have 7 pages!! Yeah! I'm so happy! It might be hard for me to make more chappies because I'm not supposed to be on and I have my end of term exams right now! But I'll try my best! Anyways…**1MORE REVIEW GETS ANOTHER CHAPPIE!**


	8. Voldy

Disclaimer:

**I**

**D**

**O**

**N**

**T**

**O**

**W**

**N**

**H**

**P**

A/n: whooooooo the test is finally over! I'm going to Canada in like 2 days! I'll have fun making stories for ya people!

Today's Story brought to you by our reader and reviewer:

**Sarah( )**

Hey! I really liked this chapter... It took me a while to realize that the "1

more review gets 1 more chpater" thing was repeating itself...so I read it

over...and over...um... And the Elmo did scare me... I think Elmo's just veddy

veddy scary... my little sister 'had' a tickle me Elmo thingy... –shudder--...

That thing was spooky, of course I didn't do anything to it... it is not in a

garbage dump anywhere...nope... I'm innocent!... Okee as I said I loved this

chapter and am reading it over while prentending to do my homework, and

listening to my Usher c.d. while at the same time staring at the pic. of him on

the cover... --sigh--... Okee Can't wait to see what happens next! Luv your

story! :)

(**Note from me**: oooooooooooooooooooooooo!! I love long reviews! Thanks! Yeah! Usher rox!! And yeah Elmo is scary….Elmo knows where you live. . . Hehe Ah…The art of pretending to do your homework when really you're reading fanfic!

YEAH! So many times I mention the word 'Yeah' lol whooo! So I shall think of randomness in today and the freaky future's story!!! Thank you!)

All the sudden the pixie turned into a naked death eater…That certain death eater happened to be Snape.

'Aghh!!!' Draco screamed while Simone covered her eyes.

'I didn't mean it to be THAT ugly!!' Draco said covering his eyes from burning.

Everyone turned around to see what the commotion was about.

The whole class at the same time screamed and covered their eyes. Lavender and Parvatti fainted. Than Lupin came to the rescue…But when he saw that he covered his eyes and walked right into the corner of a table which hit him where the sun don't shine. SO

'AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH' He screamed in pain and rolling on the floor holding his balls. While the others continue to scream. Dumbledore came hurrying in, than saw the little masterpiece of Draco's. Dumbledore chuckled at the half dead pixie and fixed her back to normal, leaving her to stop back into her cage. All the other pixie saw this and were scared and all ran back to their own cages. Everyone was quiet…

'Well, that was interesting.' Dumbledore said with his eyes twinkling while looking slightly disturbed.

'Remus…Think you hit them too hard, go see Poppy.' He continued.

'Yes, Headmaster.' He squeaked.

'Sorry…' Draco apologized to Simone who was still covering her eyes.

'It's okay.' Simone calmly said. Hiding a grin from happiness.

A month went by, from that incident and it was soon time for the ball.

Draco grew on Simone and asked her to the ball, Hermione and Ron were obviously going together. Harry didn't know yet. Michelle, well…She rather not go with anybody…She just rather eat food and chill-ax.

'Do you er..uh wanna go to the ba-' Goyle asked nervously but was cut off by Michelle.

'No' Michelle replied angrily walking off to her four poster bed to lie on.

Michelle plopped on to the bed and stretched. She closed her eyes to think about anything weird…She had been really bored lately because E.T ran off, Elmo is gone, Her stash of lollipops was almost gone…What to do, What to do…

Than all the sudden she heard a piggy voice call her.

'Helloooo!' Michelle opened her eyes to be greeted by none other than the piggy girl, Pansy.

'Oh hi.' Michelle yawned.

'I got the stuff' Pansy said holding a make up box.

_I forgot about that. _Michelle groaned in her head.

'Oh that's great!' Michelle said putting up a fake happy smile while thinking _Fuck!_

They sat down on Michelle's bed, surprisingly the bed didn't collapse of Pansy's weight.

They put make up on each other and other stupid girly ''goods''. Pansy was surprisingly good with make up. In the end Michelle finally got to see what she had been waiting for, Pansy with a mask on her face…Not just regular masks…Mud masks!!! Michelle was trying ever so hard not to laugh her ass off.

'So you going with anyone to the ball?' Pansy asked curiously.

'No.' Michelle replied remembering the reason she came storming up on to her bed in the first place.

'Really…Well, you do know you _HAVE _to go no matter what with a guy?…You better find somebody _fast _or Goyle is gonna keep harassing you to go with him.'

'Oh…Are you going with anyone?'

'Of course…But if that Gryffindor bitch hadn't taken Draco…I'd have the hottest date.' Pansy snorted.

'I'm going with a really hot 5th year…His name is John. He's really _really _hot.' Continued Pansy sighing.

'Cool.'

Soon it was time to snooze off.

ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (They're sleeping :p)

In the morning Michelle panicked…Goyle was coming to her now.

Michelle decided to walk up to him. She walked up to him and smiled. Than shoved a hamster tube in his mouth.

'That's what you get for harassing me you dumbfuck.'

Michelle and Simone walked together to class. No one seemed to be around. It was just her and Simone.

They kept walking and talking about the ball when all the sudden a spell knocked them out.

Five hours later they woke up in a room…Surprisingly they weren't tied up.

'Well, I see you two have woken up.' A cool icy voice said behind them.

'Where the fuck are we? And who the hell are you?' Simone yelled angrily.

'Ahh, Please excuse me ladies. I am Lucius Malfoy. The father of Draco Malfoy. You are here on the orders of Lord Voldemort, my master.' Lucius introduced himself taking off his wards and mask, leaving him in a silvery out fit.

'Wait?…Can I ask you something?' Michelle asked bobbing her head up high.

'What?' he hissed.

'Do you bleach your hair?…Cause if you do, THAT STUFF SUCKS!! I can see your black roots I can see your black roots I can see your black roots!' Michelle said in a sing song voice.

'Shut up! No I'm an natural just like my son!' He hissed while putting his fingers threw his hair.

'OoooOoo! It's a gold Pimp stick!' Simone ooed while snatching his Pimp stick.

'No! I need that fool! Give it back! I need that my Lord will be furious! Its my logo!! DON'T STEAL MY LOGO!!!' He roared while Simone was all the sudden in pimp clothes with a whole bunch of chains.

'He only want me for my pimp juice ooOO! Think I got to let him loose…' Singing Nelly's ''she only want me for my Pimp juice''

Lucius was getting an headache. This muggle song was annoying the living shit out of him, plus for some reason there was banging behind there which he didn't care, probably his Lord torturing his victim…

'Well, FINE. You can HAVE my gold one, but I always got my gold one.' He said in a pissy one putting his hand in the top of his robes.

'What the-?' He couldn't find his diamond one…Where was it? He turned around to see Michelle smashing it on the floor yelling 'OoooOoo DIAMONDS!!!' Than singing Kum bah yah.

'No!!! STOP THAT YOU INFERNAL GIRL!!!' Lucius screamed while Michelle just sat there on the floor singing and Simone rapping with the pimp stick.

'Kum bah yah my lord Kum bah yaaaaaaaaa some ones singing my lord Kum bah yah!!!…' Michelle sang while smashing it on the floors with little Diamonds flying or being crushed into pieces.

'AGHHH!' Lucius screamed.

At this Lord Voldemort came running in.

'STOP THAT INFERNAL RACKET!' He screamed and put a spell on the two girls who lay there on the floor in pain.

'Oooooo! Freaky ugly man that has gotten too much plastic surgery!!!' Michelle ooed.

'Wow…Lord I never knew that you-you had plastic surgery in the muggle world. I've heard muggles speak of it many times…but y-you…' Lucius said backing away.

'He looks worse than Micheal Jackson!!' Simone laughed.

'Oh! Oh! I pushed him out of the window once and all there was left was his nose!' Michelle said in a scary voice.

Everyone in the room gasped.

'You know! He's still out there…He's out there to rape little boys like me!' Voldemort said breaking down on to his knees crying.

Everyone was just standing there trying their hardest not to laugh their ass off.

Than Voldemort grinned evil and yelled,

'AVADA KADAVRA!' pointing his wand at Michelle.

'_Expelliarmus!_' Michelle screamed mocking Snape from a while ago.

Than the two wands were connected. Voldemort panicked, this had happened before with the annoying Harry Pot head…er Harry Potter…He he Harry Potter…A HARRY POTTER! Anyways he knew something was going to happen…The out of Michelle's wand a furry little red thing came out.

'Elmo knows where you live!'

Than an wrinkly Alien.

'E.T go home…E.T PHONE HOME!!!' the thing said in an mental voice slapping Voldemort one hundred times.

'Ow that hurt! And the only person that could slap like that is…Trisa?'

Voldemort asked.

Than E.T replied….

**1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie!**

Random Narrator: Yo yo! Guess what? Its not a cliffy but who is E.T. Is he an aminugus (A/n: Spelling?) or just an wrinkly scary alien? Read and find out!!!'

**1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie! 1More Review gets another chappie!**

A/N: whooo! 8 pages!! I'm going to Canada! Dude my moms waiting for me to go to a restaurant so later days! The little Line thingy is being a bitch so I'm using squiagly lines!


	9. I hope you get hit by a truck

Disclaimer: I don't own Hp!!! Wheee!

* * *

This chappie is brought to you by:

The stupid author –waves hands in the air screaming hi!—

And those crazy cool people who reviewed.

**Anna**

Very Funny story. I loved it. So what is the Pixie going to turn in to? I suppose I'll have to wait and see. (I am sighing dramatically right. NOW) Update SOON!

(mini note from me: thanks!!! I'll be sure to check your story…I hoe you have one!!!! :D)

**chocolate creme**

michelle...why did you make me look like such a bitch? –sarcasm-- i hate you! not really..but i get him anyway right.."i think she fancies you" no..REALLY? the sex god that he is..how the hell do you get a hard on off of a pixie?  
update!! kill pansy!!  
.:toujours pur:.  
p.s YAY YOU'RE COMING BACK!

(mini note from me: Well your right beside me now aren't you bitch!!! Psh! I'm not killing anyone! What evilness have I done?!?…Okay Simone DON'T answer that…heh heh heh.)

**Sarah**

Hey! Another veddy funny chappie...yup... I liked the entire Nelly part... song, part... ahh!! naked deatheater Snape...--hides under table, rocks back and forth-- 'go to a happy place, go to a happy place...', hah! 'my eyes, they're burning'... what!? her lollipop stash is almost gone?... Your'e going to Canada?...wow...I live there ya know... in Canada...yeah... that entire pushing Molester Jackson out of the window thingy was from Scary Movie 3...wasn't it?... E.T. was veddy funny too...I like E.T. the wrinkly little alien who wants to phone home... Of course Elmo still scares me... And I'm still listening to Usher... I changed it to Eminem for a little while but... Okee, I Can't wait to see what happens next! :)  
Love Your Story!  
Sarah (aka strawberrygurll)

(mini note from me: eeeew naked Snape…Well I cant really say that cause I was stupid enough to add that :p oopsie…I hope I don't put any more people go to shrinks because of me heh heh heh…DON'T SUE!!! ….E.T phone

**jagqueen2**

Yo, Canada Rocks. I'm Canadian,too and enjoy the randomness of this story. I'm subbmitting a review so you'll continue. Some writer friends of mine add "And then they were attacked by ninjas" too. Lord Voldemort and Micheal Jackson? Makes sense to me.

Have you ever written a story by openning a dictionary at random and using the first couple of words that you see? Hey, the pen is mightier than the sword. You can rearrange the word sword and get words. Also, as an English friend pointed out to me, T.S. Eliot is an acronym for Toilets.

I took out my French Dictionary and here are the first 5 words that I randomly found: Leghorn Livorne, pretzel bretzel, dishy sexy, Mackinaw grosse veste de laine a carreaux, and redundant redondant.

Hope you Enjoy Canada. We've got lots of it to enjoy. I've seen a lot. I want a snow storm because my corner of Canada is lots of different shades of ugly brown and some green. What part of Canada are you going to? I'm in the eastern part, but Last year i lived in the top where it was really cold and the sun set around 3 pm and rose again at 9:30 am. Gotta Love the North.

So 1More Reveiw gets another chappie! Can I have one now?

JAG Queen 2

Apologising for the sense this makes. I lost my random train of thought. Maybe it will come back with a snow storm if we get one.

(mini note from me: yes you can!!! Muwahahahaha um nice French dictionary lol….brown snow?…like shit colored snow? That's bad isn't it? And thanks for your toooooooootaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally long review I love it! Yeah long live long reviews!!! –starts a parade--)

**justforkicks**

...yep I'm reading

(mini note from me: thanks!!!!!)

Luca 

i once had a tickle me elmo...apparently they dont like having fireworks stuffed inside of them, they tend to explode... ... Love your story so far. It is soo funny. cant wait until the next chappie is done.

(mini note from me: note to self…try to stuff fireworks in them… and thanks!!! I really thank you for reading my story :D )

**justforkicks**

I love your insanely random story! What will happen next? Dun Dun Dun! LOL!  
I live in Canada!...(that was unneeded but oh well!)

(mini note from me: you live in Canada too eh? Whoo! I AM CANADIAN!!! Um..hmm…what will happen next? Maybe Lucius and Voldy will have unexpected sex…HMM! NOW THERES AN IDEA!!!)

**Ms. Lippy**

v good but could u please use spell check n b a lil more specific about who people are, i'm gettin hust a lil confused here

(mini note: whoopsie thanks for the suggestion! :P)

**MINI NOTE TO EVERYONE!: YEA! YOU ROCK! THANKS FOR READING THIS POINTLESS ANNOYING STORY OF MINE!…well there might be a point but my story sucks and thanks FOR YOUR REVIEWS!**

Now…on with the story...

* * *

'Trisa? Who the hell is that bitch?' E.T yelled furiously.

'E.T been cheated on by Voldy!!!' E.T screamed furiously.

'What? I don't even know you! And who the hell are you peop- er things!' Voldy screamed.

Just than the door slammed open.

It was Peter Pettigrew who was listening to Dirrty by Christina Aguilara while getting jiggy in a fuzzy pink fluffy thong.

'AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH –gasp—aGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-gasp—AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…' Everyone screamed at the same time. E.T ran out of the room with his mental scream. Elmo blew up.

'Oh my god you killed Elmo!' Lucius said with a tear coming out of his eye.

'You bastard!' Simone said.

'WORMTAIL!' Voldys voice boomed. Than there was another bang by the door getting slammed opened. Everyone thought something weird like Pettigrew was going to pop up so they covered their eyes.

'VOLDEMO-AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH' Harry screamed covering his eyes.

Simone noticed that Dumbledore was there too. He just had an amused smile…Probably going to jerk off about that later.

Voldemort whimpered at the sight of him. His wrinkly face now just looked like an ugly dead rat who had been him by a snow blower truck…Well that's at least what she thought it looked like.

Than Michelle grinned.

'I'm gonna sing a song.'

'no please don't enough songs for today' Lucius begged but Michelle ignored him.

'Fine part of a song.' Michelle pouted while everyone groaned.

'I hope that you get hit by a truck, not a normal truck but a snow blower truck that blows your guts into the street and all the other cars freshly ground your meat. That's what I hope for…'

'Violent little kid aren't you' Voldy rolled his eyes…

'Hmm…care to become a death eater?' Voldy said lingering to his dark mark.

Michelle pondered…

'Do I get one of those erotic masks?' Michelle asked grinning while everyone backed away from her except Voldy who sighed.

'Yes you get that too.' Voldy sighed again.

'And dance naked?'

'What the hell are you talking about? Death eaters don't dance naked!'

Voldy yelled furiously scared that his secret might be revealed.

'Oh…'

'Well, Fine. You can dance naked' Voldy shuddered.

'Okay. I'm not joining than'

Michelle grinned.

'But-But but!'

'Well, Parsen and Castelle. Potter is known as the boy who lived. But you guys will be known as the girls who scared Voldy…scary…' Voldy sneered.

'I know something scarier…' Simone grinned.

'What?' Voldy asked curiously.

'This!' Simone said holding up a mirror towards Voldy.

'AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' Voldy screamed.

'Yay now you're now known as the man whose scared of himself!' Michelle jumped up and down.

'Oh joy…' Voldy rolled his eyes.

Pettigrew was now grinding with himself to I'm a slave for you by Britney Spears…Not to mention singing along.

'I'm a slaaaave…for youuu!…' Pettigrew sang in his horrible voice.

'I know you are.' Dumbledore and Voldy both muttered under their breath.

'Well, Tom I think its time.' Dumbledore got his wand out. (His magical one you perverts…wait that sounds wrong too…THE WOODEN ONE…no that sounds wrong too. UGH…THE ONE that's not his wiener.)

'Yes Dumbledore.' Voldy replied getting his wand out.

They glared at each other, with the wind blowing and a whole bunch of candy wrappers squished together rolled away.

'3-2-1…'

**3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie!**

Random author: Hello again. Um...Yes…The war is soon to be started. Because of the two twerps…That Voldy's scared of…What wil happen?!?!? READ AND FIND OUT…not to mention review :P –flys off—

**3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie! 3 more reviews gets another chappie!**

* * *

**A/n Thanks for all those reviews. I'm really happy! –bows down to all those reviewers.--**


	10. Because I got high

This Chappie brought to you by…:

fanfiction

MissyMelBelle

2004-12-19

9

Signed

I just started reading this i thinks it's very funny. I was laughing my ass of and my mom had to yell up the stair to tell me to be quiet. I once had a tickle me elmo... i let him sleep with me and the next morning I woke up on the floor laying between my bed and the wall( my bed was right next to the wall. I woke up screaming. I couldn't get out... my sis and mom had to help me. Wanna know what else is scary... the carebears. I had a carebear bear and every time i'd let it sleep in my bed with me i'd have a nightmare. Well that's all I have to say... Really great fan fic!

(mini note from me: I KNEW IT!!!!! Okay Im gonna say sumthin reaaaaaaaaal stupid about me and its true….I used to be scared of the telitubbies when I was little…I started crying…ah…That was when I was reaaaaal innocent….or was I?!?!?!?!?!?…okay crappy sentence im sorry I just had hot chocolate which just made me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hyper so im like heheehhahahahaahah mnuwhaahahahah weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)

justforkicks

2004-12-14

9

Signed

(laughs) I was laughing so much my brother thought I was crazy, then I read it out loud to him and we lol'd together!

(mini note from me: Haha thanks im on hot chocolate so beeeeeee warrrrrrre mwuahahahahaahahahahaha…oh man I love these reviewers…they all put me on their fav. Authors and stories list –sniff- I feel so flattered –bows than all the sudden pants rip--…oh shit)

Sarah

2004-12-11

9

Anonymous

HEY! Another great chpater... And no, I can't sue you (hey that rhymed! 'Sue You'...I should become a poet... rap artist...wow, I'm talented) so I don't need a shrink... yet... I might if I keep on picturing Snape... AND then add on Pettigrew... in a pink thong... eww... bad image! BAD BAD IMAGE! OH NO! naked Snape AND dancing Pettigrew in a thong!... um... AH!... And E.T. gettin cheated on by Voldy... Oh the horror... so, is little E.T. dude still a freaky little wrinkly alien in this...?... hehe, 'Dumbledore got his, magical, wooden, wand out'... oh wait... ew!... So... Is Elmo officially dead now?... cause if he is, yay! smiles happily (too lazy to do anything else)  
Let the war start! 'Until next time!' (OH crap, I sounded like Barney, or something)... O, yay... 14 days til christmas! Yay! dances like an idiot (hopefully not resembling Pettigrew... EEW!) of course it sounds like my sisters and I are just getting gift certificate this year... sigh... no surprises... um... Oh yeah! AND your story does NOT suck... flips hair, which is sorta, kinda, barely, impossible right now because my 'long beautiful, shiny' :) hair is in bun on top of head... 'I' think that your story is veddy veddy good!... course I think anything that is funny as hell (wait.. hell can't be funny can it?... cause you probably get poked by a pitchfork...) anyways, as I was saying your story is as funny as... something very funny... I'm not really making any sense at all right now... so I am going to end my review RIGHT... Can't wait to see what happens next! :) ... NOW  
(TOODLES)

(mini note from me: heheheheheehehe yeaaaaa rap!!! Have you heard Eminems new song..(kinda new) Just lose it! Its soooo cool and the music video heheheheheheehehheheeheheheheheh e the micheal Jackson part –snicker—right yes I am getting poked by a pitch fork –cries—thanks for the long crazy review! I luv it!! Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!)

jagqueen2

2004-12-11

9

Signed

2 weeks till Christmas and its not white.. . Candy wrappers? Did someone say candy? M... in Halifax there's this cool candy store called the Freak lunch Box where they sell different kinds of candy in bulk and they also sell rarer kinds of candy, but alas don't sell the MOTHER OF ALL CANDY...PENGUIN caffeinated pepper mints. Yes, caffeinated pepper mints. 3 of them is equivalent to a can of cola. Do not eat half a tin at once. (I tried 3 at once and that gave the jitters so I've learned to cut back)

I want spaghetti. ... Je voudrais le spaghette. Maintenant j'ecris en francais parce que je le veux. Why doesn't anyone at Hogwarts wear parachute pants like MC Hammer, or like one of my original characters named Larry who is really a flamboyant unicorn who gives fashion makeovers to people.

Christmas trees are being shipped from here by the thousands. The whole town smells like pine at the moment from all the Christmas tree trucks.

Awesome discription of snow blowers. There is a reall lack of good songs comparing revenge to snow removal. Pettigrew needs to learn some more songs... I highly recommend Killington Hill on the bonus features of the A Mighty Wind DVD. Or anything by Alvin and the Chipmunks. Being a Rat, Pettigrew will probably have the voice to pull it off.

VIVE LE CANADA! VIVE JEAN POUTINE! why is the french word for marshmallow guimauve?

That's all I can think of for now. No snowstorm yet.

Jagqueen2

(mini note from me: aghhhhhh I am so close to keep typing Mini me!! Hahahahaahaha okay stupid shitty brain. I found out why I was so stupid the other day! I got dropped by the nurse when I was born!!! Special eh? And I do not know any French except chennie…something like that…it means bitch yeaaaah! Um yeah….I'll make sure Peter sings 'Get Low' and have a little dance with it…and mmmmmmm candy –drools—yes I should start the story now before the hot chocolate wears out heh heh heh thanks for the nice looooooooooong review)

Disclaimer: SHUT UP AND GET THE POINT I DON'T OWN HP!!! –jumps off a cliff—

AgHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh –splat—

* * *

A/N Im sorry I havnt written for a while! I got so lazy! I dunno why? So everyone I got a question for you! What singer pisses you off? Ive got two…Aghhh they piss me offffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff…Im not sure if I should say it…heh heh.

* * *

'**3-2-1…'**

* * *

They turned around and ran to get their first victim…er..thing…The star wars life sabers… 

They both got a hold of it while everyone held their breath.

'Its my toy!' Dumbledore squealed.

'No mine!' Voldy pouted.

'No mine!'

'No mine!'

'No mine!'

Than it exploded.

Everyone checked to see if they were alive and heard a faint sob.

It was Dumbledore.

'M-my toy broke..—sniff—Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah'

Everyone had their eye brow up high. They had NEVER seen Albus Dumbledore this weird.

'Oh my god…' Michelle said with a grin playing along her lips.

'Everyone move out of the way' Michelle said still smiling. She looked at his eyes and did something with her hands which automatically made his head tilt back.

'He's high…' Michelle laughed.

'Uh….right' Harry said kinda shocked.

'I knew he was a bad influence! I am going to get those 12 people persons to sign this petition to get him kicked off!' Lucius said putting his hand threw his golden blond hair.

'No…but he was perfectly normal when we came here!' Harry said with disbelief.

'Oh…I think I know why now…heh heh…That would be my fault…'

Michelle said uncomfortably shifting her feet.

Everyone looked at her automatically at her with a "why?" look.

'Well you see…………………….My robes caught fire earlier and I guess no one noticed.' Michelle put her hand in one of her pockets and got out a stash…

'Heh heh…' Michelle shrugged.

Everyone noticed Voldy got away.  
Dumbledore apologized for not being able to catch him who was half high. …Meanwhile Lucius just stood there panicking….

'Lucius are you panicking?' Dumbledore said grinning.

'No!' Lucius said panicking while flipping his hair…But no never noticed that Pettigrew was doing his hair…10mins later everyone noticed that Pettigrew did do something. Lucius looked like a big fat ugly Elf version that Orlando Bloom played.

'Ewww.' Everyone muttered.

'I'm scarred for life' Simone sniffed considering she was a huge Orlando Bloom fan.

Just than somebody screamed

'Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad'

Everyone turned around.

**2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie!**

Random narrator: Okay today is short because our stupid author –eyes the author whose dancing in the background with a dance hat on—has to go…whose the father of this mysterious person..FIND OUT! –walks out all pimpin style--

**2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! 2more reviews get another chappie! **

* * *

A/n: yes I will be going to the Internet café soon! HAHA! Yeeees….oooo look at the fancy 'e' ééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééé heheheheheh Im entertained easily. So anyways g2g later!éééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééééé 


	11. Ohdear

Disclaimer: I don't own Hp!

* * *

Todays story brought to you byyyyyyy:

Wonderful fanfic and our wonderful reviewer(s)

**Sarah**

2004-12-21

10

Anonymous

Hey! Another great chapter... It was short but good!... Dumbledore high?... heh, that would be funny... ow, I'm sore... I had a 3 day basketball tournament over the weekend... co-ed... so we played with some HOT guys, -giggle-(well actually I don't think I really know how to giggle, so I just like to pretend I do...) of course though one edeeot (IDIOT) guy threw me halfway across the freakin floor and I landed on my ass (which is still quite sore) So of course I  
'accidentally' fouled him later on... So that was the entire reason I haven't reviewed earlier... oh, wait... You only updated yesterday... my bad, so you, I suppose you know what happened over my weekend... Okee, back on to my review of your... incredibely (

Mini note from me: I'm sure you enjoyed fouling him ;) Ah…I remember I was on a b-ball team and I was playing against really snobby girls so I kept kicking them and I was like "oopsie…I'm sorry –koff--"

Yep I had to go last time and today this comp. Is hard to use so I dunno and guess what I'm listening to? "Just lose it AHHH AHHH AHH! I love that AHHH AHHH AHH part. And yaay I got the Billy talent CD I'm so happy..Ah…the wonderful depressing songs. Everyone was bitching at me being so depressing…He he its fun. –has a huge shiny sign that says 'depression era' while I have a corny grin TM(yes its alllllllllll mine muwahahaha- I've Trade Marked it!!!!!! Yaaaaaaay) er… yeah…I'm gonna get on with the story and look at all the spelling errors in this…its hilarious.

* * *

**_'Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad'_**

Screamed an angry voice behind them. They all turned around to see none other than Draco Malfoy

'What the hell are you doing to my girlfriend and my friend…who happens to be a Slytherin?…And what's with the hair…' Draco said angrily also eyeing his dads Orly hair.

'This is your girlfriend?' Lucius said looking at Michelle in disgust and shocked to think his son was going out with this annoying weird twerp.

'No the blowjob with handlebars…' Michelle said pointing to Simone, who happened to have pig tails at that moment.

Lucius had his mouth in the shape of an 'o.'

'I'm not a blowjob with handlebars' Simone said angrily ripping out her pigtails.

'I wish…' Draco said. While Michelle snickered, Lucius' jaw dropped and Simone turned pink.

'Well, I'll expect to see some babies in the near future.' Dumbledore smiled.

Lucius looked pissed and the rest were shocked to hear Dumbledore would say that.

Draco decided to get his dad more pissed for revenge and started to make out with her on the spot.

Simone was surprised with the sudden kiss…Soon there was a lot of tongue included.

'Get a fucking room!' Michelle said throwing Lucius pimp stick at them…or what was left of it.

'What the hell is this…or was?' Draco said picking up that pimp stick.

'My diamond stick…' Lucius glared at Michelle while everyone stared at her with shock.

'That's the power of women!' Michelle said grinning widely.

At that everyone backed away from every female in the presence.

'I'm not a women!' Simone said protesting….Everyone much more away from her including…Well almost…only Pettigrew who didn't notice cause he was too busy picking his nose and looking at his booger.

'Uh…not in that way...I mean I am still a teenage female…Puullleeease don't make me the same as Britney Spears!' Simone rolled her eyes.

'Hey don't chu eva diss Britney!' Pettigrew said while making a sad attempt of snapping his finger and his other hand on his hip.

'Well she looks like a man guuurrrrrrrrl!' Simone snapped back at him.

'Pffft shut up who really cares.' Harry moaned.

'I do!' Pettigrew said angrily…But everyone ignored him.

'Wait. I forgot to kill you last time.' Harry said noticing Pettigrew's presence.

'Oh shit.' Pettigrew said running…which was really sad the way he ran.

Than Pettigrew remembered about him being a wizard and aparated.

'Damn it.' Lucius said.

'Before I go. I need to talk to you son.' Lucius said looking at him sadly.

'What?' Draco asked looking worried.

'This is how you insert the dick into the female…Don't forget to protect your self. Your mother and I had that mistake and had you.' Lucius said sadly.

'Ouch' Michelle said while Draco glared at his father.

'Oh your supportive.' Draco said still glaring at his dad who waved good-bye and aparated.

'Well let's all go back to Hogwarts.' Dumbledore said.

_**Couple minutes later they are back at Hogwarts.**_

Simone and Michelle were forced to go to the Hospital wing.

Harry, Hermione and Ron left them tons of candy. While Pansy constantly reminded Michelle about the ball which was making her go half mental.

At the day of the dance Harry and Goyle didn't have a date. Michelle surprisingly did.

It turned out to be a teddy bear!

Michelle was at the food with her 'date' pigging out and having such a happy look on her face.

'Oh maaaan the food never runs out' Michelle said happily to herself.

'Well maybe a certain teacher may force you to dance.' A icy voice said practically freezing her to death.

Michelle turned around to see none other than her potions master, Snape.

'How so?' Michelle said still pigging out.

'Don't be smart to your teachers.' He said looking down on her.

'Um….uh…er…uh…' Michelle said stammering still pigging out.

'First of all your date has to be sturdy.' Snape said glaring at her.

**BAM! With the wave of the wand the bear was sturdy.**

Snape curved his lip.

'Well, that's good…For a beginner. Too bad your date has to be able to dance.' He said curving his lip.

**Bam it danced.**

'Damn you' Snape said under his breath.

'Well, impressive…I suppose Granger taught you that. Lets see you make your "date" be human.' Snape said evilly.

**BAM it was some hot blue-eyed hunk.**

'Granger taught you that too?' he said in an annoyed voice.

Michelle nodded evilly.

'Well too bad he is not a student of Hogwarts.'

She aimed her wand at the badge…Bam…his badge looked funny…IT WAS A SHROOM!!

'Shroomy!' Michelle screamed with joy.

Than Snape murdered the teddy bear shroomy boy.

**'Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo'** Michelle screamed.

'Well, since my date is **DEAD**. Because of a **CERTAIN SOMEBODY**. Would you like to dance?' Michelle said hoping he would say no cause obviously she didn't want to dance with him. Also she was hoping to scare the livin shit out of him.

'I would be pleased.' He said. Michelle's jaw dropped. He knew she was trying to scare him.

'No…No. I was only joking!' Michelle said with horror backing away.

'It's not nice to decline after you ask' He said hiding a smirk of evilness.

He pulled her arm roughly and they began to dance almost everyone was staring at shock. Michelle was grossed out. Simone was dancing with Draco and was practically melting by staring into his nice gray eyes. It looked like he was putting her into a trance.

'I always knew love screws ya up' Michelle muttered under her breath.

'Come with me' Michelle said dragging Snape outside.

Michelle pressed him up against the wall which was scaring him.

She slowly tip toed and was close to kiss him until…

WOOSH! Right there and than Michelle had pants Snape!

All there was to be seen was leopard print underwear and Snape.

'I'm sorry I just couldn't help it. Here let me get us some drinks as an apology.'

Michelle said sadly.

'Fine.' Snape said glaring at her while doing up his pants all over again.

Michelle ran outside…She never returned. She walked for a while and started blazing. She walked back into her Gryffindor common room and passed out on the couch.

She woke up with everyone poking her.

'Is she alive?'

'I dunno. Maybe Snape DID do something to her…'

**2 more reviews gets another chappie**

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Random author: Well whats Michelle going to say?!?!?!? I dunno I dont give a fuck..WAIT DONT FIRE ME IM SORRY! PLEASE!

**2 more reviews gets another chappie**

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A/N: sooo like this? it was nice and long rite? i hope!! 


	12. Hornymafied

Disclaimer: I don't own Hp Pffft.

chocolate creme

yay michelle!! you updated!  
thanx for the make out thing..m..tongue..especially draco's..life rox..  
UPDATE!UPDATE!!UPDATE!! or i'll take back the chocolate i gave you like..an hour and a half ago..for christmas..what a horrible threat...  
.:toujours pur ma petite papillon de nuit:. :)

Mini note from me: Chocolate –retches—I got soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much chocolate for x-mas bitch. But I ate it all ready so too bad!

Sarah

2004-12-23

11

Anonymous

Hey! This chapter was nice and long, full of funniness (I know that's not a word, maybe, but am too lazy to check)... Okee... Hehe, I was just at a 'Much Video Dance' after the b-ball tourney and they played 'Just Lose It' (Of course after that they plyed a million slow songs in a row... ugh)... "Annoying weird twerp" hehe... His 'Pimp stick'... Oh, how I love reading this story, it makes me laugh... Oh, and Pettigrew was funny, even if he still grossed me out in the last chappies... Michelle's date was a teddy bear, at least teddy bears don't scare me, I get enough of those so yeah, I don't think they should scare me... Hey! what happened to the rest of my review? Or 'did' I write more after  
'incredibly'... Yup I did enjoy fouling him, of course I don't think it had any effect on him, and I couldn't foul him anymore, because my coach took me off, and put the only other girl on the team on (2 girls, 5 guys... man I love my team), they said I was starting to look mad... Pssh, ME, look mad?, I think not! (hehe, I can flip my hair now, I'm wearing it down flip...flip...flip)(My guy team-mates were getting mad though, it was funny, well sort of)  
Hey you wouldn't mind if I stole your 'oopsie... I'm sorry' line eh? Of course, my only line is 'I didn't mean to, it was an accident!'... Oh, poor Michelle had to dance with Snape... ew... heh! then she pantsed him. Nice undies... Anyways I can't wait to see what happens next! I have to go and help put up our pathetic excuse for a tree... I already got in enough trouble for laughing at it when we were taking it out from under the stairs... just hope that they didn't think that my practically non-stop insane laughing while reading your story was me still laughing at the pathetic excuse for a tree... Okee.  
(TOODLES!) :)

Mini note from me: Lovely….I know I love his underwear…Maybe I should sneak into his room and steal them…Nah..u did type after incredibly….AHHH IM GOING BACK TO JAPAN TOMORROW!! –dies—Now im gonna go continue my depression era…:p

Have fun!

And MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS………….AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!…wait its too late…Well SCREW!

And yes u can steal my thingy

Michelles POV

'Uh……………..—groan-- What the heck is everyone doing around me?' I groaned.

'She's alive!…but she smells funny!' Someone screamed over their shoulder which I couldn't quite read out.

'What the bloody hell is going on?' I groaned again.

'When we came here you were passed out and you didn't move and everyone got worried…Did Snape do anything to you? And are you okay?' Someone asked me…I couldn't see anything…It was so blurry. Who is it?

'W-Who are you? And no he didn't…I did.' I answered…5 seconds I said that I realized that sounded a bit wrong and I heard a bit of giggling too…Yep it did sound wrong.

'What did you do?' I heard a girl saying.

'Who are YOU?' I asked come on eyesight return!

'Well I'm Lavender' She giggled…Oh that preppy…Chick.

'And who are you?' I said looking towards the person who was talking to me earlier.

'It's Hermione.'

'Oh…' I said staring at the funny things.

'So what did you do?' Lavender giggled.

'I dunno…I'm too stoned to think…What time is it?' At that EVERYONE started laughing.

'It's 10:00 and that must have been pretty strong shit Michelle…' Seamus (sp?) said to me laughing his ass off.

'Well, everything is starting to be clear…and I can KINDA think again.' I said getting up.

'So what did you do?'

'Nosey little fucker aren't you?' I said glaring

'I pretended that I was gonna kiss him and pushed him against the wall…than I caught him wearing

Leopard print underwear…' I continued.

'Lovely.' Simone said interested in the details.

'We all loved your date...What ever happened to him?' Dean said laughing.

'Well my date was there until Snape MURDERED him!!'

'That asshole!' Harry said.

'Well anyways I'm gonna go hitch up my bong. Who wants to join?'

'Michelle!' Hermione said angrily at me.

'Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees?' I said innocently.

'That's not good. As Head girl-'

'Woah?! U give out head?!?!?!?' Michelle said dropping her jaw with a look that said I thought you were innocent!

'Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?' Hermione said blushing.

'I-I-I-I'm sorry you gotta remember I'm half high!' Michelle shrugged.

'Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…' Hermione said in a mocky voice.

'Y-y-you CAN SAY THAT!!' Simone screamed at Hermione.

'W-W-Why?' Hermione looked a bit shocked.

'Cause your not Canadian…EH!' Simone said.

'Oh…'

'Anyways while I'm high…Why don't we all 69?' Michelle said happily.

'What?' Everyone said backing away from her.

'I'm stoned and horny! What's so bad about that?' Michelle asked

'Fiiiine if any of you "men" cant I'll go to Slytherin.' I said skipping off.

'Oh...man now NOTHING can save her.' Harry said laughing.

Michelle skipped off to the Slytherin Dorm and hopped in and yelled,

'I'm HORNY AND I'M STONED!!! LETS ALL HAVE KINKY SEX!!!'

Than Michelle noticed Snape was there and started sniggering.

Everyone was snickering at Michelle.

Michelle had the worst idea by thinking of yelling _Oh Snapey poo when should we have our lovely make out session? _But decided not too.

'soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…'

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WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN? **1more review gets another chappie**


	13. Sexeh Snape

Disclaimer:

I dun own it!

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This dumb chappie is brought to you by..—cheesy showman grin--:

Fan fiction and the **faithful** reviewers!

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**jagqueen2 2005-01-02 12 Signed**

KUDOS on another funny chappie. My brother had a friend whose prom date was murdered, too. Her dates name was Bastard and he was a blow up doll. Had to go to another province for a white christmas...passively observed the rining in of a new year. Leopard print underwear is almost as good as parachute pants.

**Mini note from me: ooooooooooo parachute pants…fun…--thinks of wearing them and jumping off a cliff for a little "experiment"—Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Oh…im sorry about your brothers friends um…date…if that is how I should put it…SNAPE HAS STRUCK AGAIN!!!!…Oooo white christmas….—goes into a "winter wonderland"--**

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**Sarah 2004-12-28 12 Anonymous**

I loved this chappie... Yup, what Michelle said did sound wrong... But it had me laughing... Then Snape 'MURDERED' her date... Oy, 'Cause your not Canadian... EH", well I can say 'EH' as many times as I want starts repeating 'EH' to the empty 'Canadian' room 'cause, well, I AM CANADIAN!... EH!... Okee, oh yeah and I liked Michelles entrance 'speech' to the Slytherin's...

Your going back to Japan? gasp! But you'll be able to update, right? If you don't something bad will happen to you within the next year (stupid crappy chain letters... they're just so stupid and crappy that you jsut have to repeat them)

Can't wait to see what happens next! :)

(TOODLES!)

**mini note from me: damn chain letters…once I got… "If you stop this the ghost of (someone's name) will kill you" AGHH! They're after me! –runs-- --watches you threw a window of u saying 'eh'—hahahaha uh..EH!!! Yep…Snape murdered my damn date. DAMN U SNAPE!!! YOUR SEXY –starts koffing non-stop—**

**Why would I want to end a sad masterpeice Ive started rite now?!**

**Thank you for loving my stupid chappie –bows than underwear rips than falls face first off the stage while the judges give me a 10—ow….**

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**MissyMelBelle 2004-12-27 12 Signed**

I loved it. very funny. Elmo's staring at me kinda funny! glances at Elmow and shivers Gotta go! jumps off Computer chair and runs screaming " AH! SAVE ME! ELMO"S AFTER ME! AH!"

**Mini note from me: RUN uh.. MISSYMELBELLE RUN!!**

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**chocolate creme 2004-12-27 12 Signed**

dear god michelle! what have you been smoking?

WEED! duh..god why are u going back! why can't u just like stay here? we'll give ur mom a fake michelle doll and you can live in my backyard in a pit facing the elements and the horrible squirrels and crows!! or you can live in my closet..I LOVE BEING CANADIAN!! EH!

**mini note from me: You kept annoying me today Simone...Why are you wanting to know when my story updates? want more draco or something?? hmmm theres gotta be something in for me --slyly grins--**

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'soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…uh…have you uh er uh..-starts rocking back and fouth- uh hehe heh seen my doctor?!?' Michelle panicked.

Everyone just sat there looking at her weirdly.

'No. Who is your doctor?' The silky voice which belonged to Severus Snape said.

'Um...I dunno! I'll go to Gryffindor!' Michelle panicked while all the Slytherin's scowled at the word Gryffindor.

Michelle ran back to Gryffindor and sat down lost in her thoughts wondering what just happened.

'So…Your back?' Harry said laughing.

'Yep.'

'What made you come back?'

'I had bondage sex and my sexual intends were done.'

At that Harry's jaw dropped and stared at her weirdly.

'With…Who?!'

'Snape…'

'WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!? Y-y-you've got to be kidding me!' Harry said disgusted.

'Actually I am.'

'Oh thank god!'

'Well anyways I gotta get busy…' Michelle said grabbing a roll of parchment and a quill.

'Not done your homework?' Harry laughed.

'No…I'm all done…Just one thing I have to do…'

'What?' Harry asked curiously.

'Hehe ohhhhhhhh just a little thing that's going to be fun.' Michelle smirked.

_Way's to annoy Snape._

Michelle wrote.

'ooooo that sounds fun!' Harry said sitting next to her.

'Oh wait what you see what's coming.'

_One:_

_Walk up to him with your homework than eye him weirdly than say 'Guuuuuuuuurl! That's some greasy hair that you got! Here just sit there!' Than grab some hair essentials out of your bag…If he moves to ask for your homework just Sush him. But in the end…you never end up giving your homework_

'Oh god that would piss him off so much.' Harry laughed.

'Oh let me add something!' Harry said grabbing a quill out.

'okay.'

_Two: Tell him you have "feelings" for him that makes you feel like you got butterflies in your stomach Everytime he walks by. Start blowing kisses to him and tell him 'Hey…If you're single…You know where to come to.' And wink at him._

Harry wrote while Michelle laughed.

'Oh! Oh! I got one!' Michelle said grinning.

_Three: Give him a pair of Parachute pants and tell him he'll need them cause he's pretty fly for a white guy._

Michelle and Harry burst out laughing while Michelle wrote that.

'Hey what are you guys laughing about?' Ron said curiously.

'Come here Ron!' Harry said sniggering.

Ron came and read the three ways to annoy Snape.

'Oh my god this is bloody brilliant!' Ron said choking with laughter.

'Let me add one!' Ron said grabbing his quill.

_Four: Wear an invisibility cloak and sneak into the dungeon while he's doing something and blow out all the candles and turn off all the light until its pitch black. Than change your voice into one of the Slytherin's and say: 'I've been watching you all this time and still you are cold to me. Why Severus why? Why are you so cruel to those who love you? I think its time to come clean…Express your love…Like I am going to now…I shall leave a hand made doll of me. Please…love me back.' Than throw a doll of Draco Malfoy_

'Hey! He's my friend!' Michelle glared

'Fine!' Ron said while crossing out the word 'Draco Malfoy' and re writing it to 'Pansy Parkinson'

'Is that better?' Ron grinned.

'A LOT BETTER!' Michelle snickered.

'Well. Um…Oh I know!' Michelle grinned slyly and scribbled something down. After she was done the two boys looked curiously and started laughing.

_Five: Keep on singing 'I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes!' Over and OVER and OVER AGAIN!_

'Oh my god that's torture!' Ron said wide eyed.

'That would drive me mental…' Harry said looking depressed.

'Let me add another one' Michelle smirked.

_Six: When you get detention and you are told to clean the dungeons get all your pink fluffy stuff out and start sticking them all over the place…Than add posters like the carebears, tellitubbies, Micheal Jackson…and other happy-depressing posters. And just before you leave add one last comment…'Remember professor…Think HAPPY!' Than leave._

'Oooooo three some?' Simone said smiling.

'That's disgusting Simone…' Michelle scowled.

'WELL…SO I AM NOT ALLOWED TO BE DISGUSTING AT ALL!' Simone glared at Michelle spazzing while Harry was shushing her.

'Nope!' Michelle grinned

'WHAT?!?' Simone glared at Michelle.

'uh oh Bitch fight' Ron said looking horrified while backing away from the two girls.

'Pffft please.' Michelle smiled.

'Why would we want to kill each other when we could kill you.' Simone said innocently.

'…' Ron whimpered while backing away.

'Well I think our work is done Michelle!' Simone grinned.

'Yep.' Michelle said sitting back down again.

'SO…what chu up to?' Simone said grabbing a chair.

'Take a look for your self.' Michelle said passing her the piece of parchment.

'Oh dear god…' Simone said reading each and every one of them.

'Isn't it brilliant?' Ron said in a Ron ish way.

'Yeah…'Simone said slyly…and than get her quill out and writing something…

'What is she writing?' Harry asked trying to get a look.

'Our mad scientist has got to it!' Michelle said laughing.

'Oh dear…' Ron said looking scared.

'HAH! THERE WE GO!! THAT IS WHAT I CALL EVIL!' Simone said smirking.

_Seven: Give him a tickle me Elmo and a card with Elmo on it and little hearts telling him that Elmo gave this to you and told you to give it to him._

'I'm starting to feel sorry for him…' Michelle said after reading this.

'Oooooo someone loves Snape…' Simone said in a girly way while Harry and Ron both made disgusted looks.

'Okay…Let me go fuck him.' Michelle said having a straight look on her face.

At this everyone in the room was pretending to retch.

'That greasy old bat?' Ron said.

'Who would ever like HIM!?' Ron continued.

'Me.' Michelle said with a straight face.

'Michelle, your scaring me.' Simone said starting to look worried.

'Y-Your not smiling…Tell me you are joking…'　Simone said looking more worried than ever.

'I'm not joking.' Michelle said sounding serious…does she REALLY LIKE SNAPE?

'He is…You have to admit…Sexy…mmm I'd sure like to see what's under those clothes…' Michelle smirked while everyone's jaw dropped open.

'That has got to be the grossest thing I have ever heard in my life…' Harry said smacking his head on the wall.

'Oh that image is going to haunt me in my dreams.' Simone said rocking back in fourth turning pale.

'……' Ron was too disgusted for words.

'Well…Anyways I better be off and dream of my sexy Snape…Good night!' Michelle said hiding a grin.

'She needs help fast…' Ron said as Michelle shut the door.

'Real fast…' Harry said rubbing his head where he hit too hard.

'Well…Who is going to keep this…?' Simone said lingering to the parchment.

'I'll keep it…I want to scribble a couple things down when I wake up in the middle of the night.' Harry said rolling it and putting it in his robes.

'Well…I'm tired.' Yawned Ron.

'Goodnight…' Simone said walking back into the girls dormitory.

'Goodnight!' the two boys said walking back into theirs.

_Next day in Trawlney's (sp?) class._

'Well today…We are going to do tea leaves again!' Professor Trawlney said.

'Oh goody…' Harry said sarcastically.

'I think I'm going to do the same as Hermione and take a different bloody course!' Ron whispered to Harry.

'Think of the fun homework…Remember!!' Harry whispered.

'Oh yeah…' Ron grinned slyly.

'Oh!' All the sudden Trawlney said looking at Simone oddly.

'???' Everyone looked towards Simone.

'Y-Y-You dear…Are going to-…meet someone very vicious…It may cost your life!' Trawlney said looking worried…

' I think I already have…' Simone said smirking.

'Who my dear?' Trawlney said as the class listened carefully.

'Her.' Simone said pointing to Michelle.

'Right…' Trawlney said as the class burst out laughing.

'I am vicious?..uh Raaaaw!…sure I might cost you your life but VICIOUS?!? That is hilarious…' Michelle scoffed. (Is that even a word? I dunno it just came from the top of my head hehehe.)

'Sure…What ever…' Simone said smiling.

'Well…Michelle good news…' Simone said changing the subject.

'What?' Michelle glared at her.

'Oooo not nice aren't we?…Next is Potions…' Simone said in a snobby voice.

'Your point is?' Michelle said coldly.

'It's potions…Time for Snape.' Simone said.

'Hm…Fun fun…' Michelle said coldly again.

_What is wrong with Michelle? Why is she being such a bitch? _Simone thought…Why was she being like this?(Dun Dun Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!)

**Remember folks 3 more reviews gets another chappie!**

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**a/n sorry i couldnt update for a while...damn school starts tomorow...**


	14. My sexy bitch

Sarah 2005-01-11 13 Anonymous

YAY! uh, you updated does the 'wave'... hehe, "he's pretty fly for a white guy..." damn, you got that song stuck in my head... hehe, she's gonna have a 'BF', uh wait nevermind, that's for 'bitch fit'... AH! you brought Elmo back, well not really back, but he's back!... (Am now going to pretend to do my homework... which is not normal for a person on a snowday --glances longingly outside-- "SNOW! I'm coming!" --runs outside like a mad-woman--) Yeah, um, okay Okee, I really liked this chapter, it was very funny, and the entire 'Way's to annoy Snape' list thingy was good, and I can't wait to see what happens next! :)

(TOODLES!)

Mini note from me: oh yea bitch fit boo yea! HOMEWORK ON A SNOW DAY?!?!? ARE YOU CRAZY!!!! –backs away—Hehe I can get another song stuck in your head if you want… --starts singing she bangs--

siriuslykickbutt 2005-01-10 12 Anonymous

hey i love the fic its really funny but the drug references do bug me...but i'll get over it! i swear i just saw a chapter 13 posted not that long ago for this fic...i think i've gone mad now...k well keep up with the story its great!

Mini note from me: Oh yea fan fic does that…it is posted! U just look up at the URL and change the number like for ex. U change it from 12 to 13

He he I hope you get over it!! There might be more highness in the future (is highness even a word :S)

'Michelle what the hell is wrong with you? Your acting like a total bitch!' Simone spazzed.

'SSH!' Michelle shushed her.

'Wh-' Simone tried to talk but Michelle cut her.

'I am thinking of an evil plan…Now if you don't MIND! Can you keep your big fat trap shut for just ONE SECOND!' Michelle said angrily.

'Oh…whoops…YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME!' Simone replied angrily back.

'What ever…' Michelle said walking off on her own while Simone tried to stop her.

At potions everyone had been a victim of Michelle's mood.

'What's wrong with her?' People kept murmuring while poking her.

'AGHHHHHHHHH! YOU FUCKING PERVERTS STOP IT!' Michelle said angrily.

The whole class laughed at the sudden out burst of Michelle while people continued poking Michelle.

'Raaaaaaaaaaaape! I call this raaaaaaa-' Michelle kept screaming in a jokingly way but sort of in a voice hinting them to leave her alone but Michelle was interrupted by Snape barging in. At this Michelle had a BIG BIG grin that was totally…um…well it looked…unhealthy.

Snape paced to his desk while Michelle started singing the marriage song.

'Darling! Where is your bride?' Michelle called over him that made Snape shudder and the class trying to not laugh.

Snape turned around and glared down at Michelle.

'There is what so ever no need of a bride for me.' Snape said eyeing her coldly.

'Than a groom?' Michelle said with a look that said 'Oh my god your gay?!?'(a/n: no offence to any gay people…they totally rock!)

At this the class burst out laughing. While Snape walked over to Michelle's desk .

BAM! Snape had smacked his hands on the desk, which Michelle was sitting at

The whole class jumped and stopped laughing and straitened their back posture.

'I-SHALL-NOT-PUT-UP-WITH-SUCH-INFERNAL-BEHEIVOR-MS.-PARSEN…do you understand?' Snape said gritting threw his teeth.

'Aye aye Sir!' Michelle said grinning and saluting him

'ugh…' Snape rolled his eyes and walked off.

He got to the table up front but before he sat down he spun around and gave another icy look at Michelle.

'Detention at eight Ms.Parsen.' The icy cold voice calmly said to Michelle.

'Oh joy…' Michelle said sarcastically hiding a smirk.

_After Potions ended_

'Michelle you got a frickin detention!' Seamus spazzed.

'So?' Michelle said with out twitching or anything.

'He is EVIL.' Dean said with a horrific look.

'I'll last!' Michelle said smiling.

_At detention._

'Ms. Parsen I will have you clean this classroom. I will have you rearrange the potions in alphabetic code. Than mop the floors with absolutely no magic and organize everything. I have an urgent call from the headmaster. If you do anything stupid, you shall deal with the consequences. You shall have a time limit…until 9:30…Than you shall leave because I will not be around.' Snape said glaring down at Michelle.

'Okie dokie elfish hickey!' Michelle said smiling.

Snape massaged his temples and barged off.

'Its show time…' Michelle said smirking.

Michelle did a neat job and everything looked good. Michelle looked at the time. It was almost 9:30…She looked around and smirked.

'All done.' She smirked.

Michelle walked back to the Gryffindor dormitory smiling evilly.

As soon as she got in the dormitory everyone looked at her.

Michelle just stood there smiling.

'Oh my god…your smiling! Did he give you some potion? Who knows what he could of done! Michelle did you drink anything?!?' Ron panicked.

'Ron! Give her some space.' Hermione said.

'What did he do to you?' Harry asked.

'Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh….Just tell me to clean up the classroom while he is on some urgent business.' Michelle said innocently.

'Just wait till tomorrow morning…We have double potions first thing in the morning…We have to get there first.' Michelle said seriously.

'um…okay…' Harry said wondering what happened.

In the morning 

'Before you open the door take a deep breath everyone.' Michelle said to Harry, Ron, Hermione, Simone, Dean and Seamus. Everyone took a deep deep breath.

'Who would like to do the honors?' Michelle smirked.

'I will.' Harry said walking up to the door.

He slowly pushed the door open and took a glimpse inside.

'Holy Crap…' Harry said looking shocked.

Everyone walked in to get the wonderful glimpse of the new potions room.

All his black ink was replaced with sparkly pink ink, The potions were in a huge heart shape. All the gross stuff were arranged into a huge heart shape too. The ground was covered in pink sparkle's and Snape's pen was pink with a bit of pink fluff on the end. The room was covered with heart stickers and the light had been replaced with a pink light. The walls were covered with posters of Micheal Jackson, Britney Spears…(which was almost revealing more than her shirt…), Care Bears, Tellitubbies, My little pony, Barbie and Ken, Elmo and Bigbird. Than on top of that there was a huge banner that said: 'Remember Professor…Think happy!'

And that too was pink…HOT PINK.

'He is going to be pissed…' Simone said looking worried.

'I thought you liked him though…He's going to bloody hate you now…more than ever!' Ron said laughing. Hermione, Dean and Seamus stared at Michelle weirdly at those words.

'Liked him? HAHAHA YOU ACTUALLY BELIVED ME? OH MY GOD THAT'S HILARIOUS!' Michelle said rolling in the floor with laughter being covered in sparkles.

'So you were joking!' Ron said.

'No shit Sherlock.' Michelle rolled her eyes.

'Oh' Ron said blushing.

Soon everyone had come in to look at the LOVELY masterpiece that Michelle had made.

First everyone was shocked when they came but soon they started laughing.

'Oh this room looks so much better now!' Lavender said to Pravati (sp?).

It was almost time for Snape to barge in to get his lovely surprise.

'5…..4…….3…..2……1-'

**HELLO EVERYONE HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS CHAPPIE! 3 MORE REVEIWS GETS ANOTHER CHAPPIE! ANYWAYS WHAT THE HELL IS GOING TO BE SNAPE'S REACTION! KEEP REVIEWING AND READING TO FIND OUT! **


	15. bonus chap

Michelle: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii people….er….Ahoy matey…hehehehe. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Simone…this story is pretty much fucked up…don't you think?

Simone:um…yeah…you wrote it Michelle.

Michelle: I know…I'm so special

Simone: Ed…Eh

Michelle: Hey! That's my line!!

Simone: I wanna kill my math teacher eh…

Michelle: Shut up with the eh!….eh….

Simone: Why? Eh?

Michelle: AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!……….eh!

Simone: But I'm Canadian eh?

Michelle: annnnnnnnnnnd?

Simone: uuuuuuuuuuuuum…when is there going to be a make out session with me and Draco –wink wink--

Michelle: geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez will you ever shut up about that……………wait don't answer that…Anywhooooooooooooooooooooo lets get on with the crazy actions in this Bonus Chappie of us doing…..something…yea….that sounded reaaaaaaaaaal wrong….—does a slide and smashes straight into a pole—

Ow….

Simone: I wanna go on a water slide…

Michelle: Uh that was random…Lets play darts! Gets a huge poster of Draco out…

Simone: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo –dives and gets pummeled with darts--

Michelle: Whoopsie's wrong poster hehe –gets a poster of Filch out while Simone is still twitching on the floor—

Simone: Bit-Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it burns!!!

Michelle: --continues to play darts—Ladela ooooooooo new target…..--aims darts for Simone—

Simone: BITCH!!!

Michelle: Hey don't say that to the pure and innocent angel!

Simone: --koff—

Michelle: Simone is so nice! –starts having a coughing fit—

Simone: hmmmmmmmmmm

Michelle: Simone loves Snape!!! She dreams of her, Draco and Snape having so much fun…in erotic ways!

Simone: Oh yeah! I just cant wait…Did I tell you that I just had that dream…except…Neville was in it.

Michelle: Ohhh sounds kinky!

Simone: sure was!…I had all of them tied to the bed…Than I poured chocolate on them and licked it all off.

Michelle: Hm…Snape cheated on you….With me…I sucked him…I first refused to suck so licked at the tip and than slowly started sucking…He came pretty fast.

Simone: ……………………………..Bitch.

Michelle: -Does a happy dance while Simone continues screaming Bitch at Michelle—

Oh yea I forgot…I'm Michelle…The author of this story…and this Simone…thing…Oh did I just say that out loud…I mean person….exists….in real life.

And she is not harmed in the making of this story –koff koff--

Simone :….

Michelle: Anyways this is getting really boring…Let me tell you the original outline of this story…. -snape rents porn and disney videos

-snape wears leoperd underwear

-harry is obsessed with hagrids big bushy hair and about once a week he cuts

about 1cm of his hair and has a whole collection and even went back in time so

he could get some of his youger hair

-hermione has an erotica for dobbys tea cosy

-ron is wanting and is willing to get laid by anybody until pansy tries to

seduce him

-simone almost cuts dracos dick off

-michelle has a fake orgasm in potions

-dumbledore gets high off the smell of weed hidden in michelles pockets

-Michelle, Simone and Snape walk in on peter dancing to dirty in a fuzzy pink

thong

-Voldy kidnaps michelle and simone with death eaters holding them hostage but

Michelle kept singing ゛i know a song that gets on every nerves゛ and annoys

the livin shit out of him than meets Lucius and Simone mugs Lucius p.i.m.p gold

stick than Lucius decides to take out his spare diamond p.i.m.p stick

than sees Michelle smashing it on the floor saying ゛oooo lotsa pretty

diamonds゛

isn't that lovely?

Simone: huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh….

Michelle: --kicks Simone—since this is getting real boring I'm gunna continue making the next chappie bye folks!

**Warning this is an actual conversation we had**


	16. agggggggggghhhhhhhh

Luca 2005-01-27 14 Anonymous

i love the ideas for anoying snape, and the makeover of the room is classic. I love your story. its friggin halarious

XD

Mini note from me: Thanks! I feel soooooooo special now! –screams out the window— IM SPECIAL! –right after I say special some on screams back to me: 'ED!'—

Yes I'm special.

Luca 2005-01-24 14 Anonymous

omg, your story is soo funny. cant wait untill the next one.

Mini note from me: Yes! Two lovely reviews from the same person at the same chap! Like I said…I'm special…Shit…What was I gunna say again? I forget…Um er yeah…Thanks for the lovely reviews!

IM SPECIAL!

NAHAHAAHAHAHAHAA –runs out the room laughing like a mental women-

siriuslykickbutt 2005-01-17 14 Anonymous

hehe i found chapter 13 the next day. k i really liked the chapter, so funny! cant wait for snape's reaction! update soon!

Mini note from me: Hehe Snape's reaction will be rather…I dunno just read! Hehehe

Im sorry it took a while to update :p

Sarah 2005-01-16 14 Anonymous

Okee... I had a long review last night, but the thingy said it was having 'heavy traffic' or something... So here's my next one! Heh"I am thinking of an evil plan at the moment..." Yeah, um I laughed at that part, and, well, many other parts in this chapter... E! Michael Jackson and Britney posters –shudder- scary... Actually tellitubies are scarier... way scarier... Heh, Barbie and Ken (they broke up didn't they?... I heard that, quite pathetic, I was actually worried about them...) Pink! HOT Pink! AHH! pink I'm going blind, too much pink! collapses on floor dramatically while shielding eyes... and-gasp- sparkles! EEP! rocks back and forth, 'pink, too much, pink'-... Heh"...Think Happy"... Hah! You can't get a song stuck in my head now!... dances around like an idiot... um, yeah I found my old Dr.Dre c.d-bobs head to music like an idiot bobblehead"...Smoke weed everyday"... Okee, I can't wait to see what happens next:)

(TOODLES!)

Dr.Dre eh? Pink..oh yea that's scary after I read the evil stuff I cried because I was so scared (actually I didn't but you know…)　thanks for the nice long review

Barbie and Ken broke up! Wow I didn't know…Whose the poor guy victim now?

Sarah( )

Whoa... This was a real conversation... um, wow... -sob- I only have my

invisible friend "Bob" To have conversations with sniffle, blows a big green

bubble from nose (like the first 'Scary Movie'... um I have a very good

memory)... Heh, I liked the 'outline' of the story... It was funny, I can't

wait to see the next chapter of this story thingy:)

(TOODLES!)

mini note: okay I just got your review! Thanks!

Hmm…I know how about I ignore you and talk to ''bob''! Hahaha Im just joking you're a good faithful reviewer! I wouldn't do something mean like that –koff-

Okay now on with the story!

chocolate creme 2005-01-31 15 Signed

dude! sorry that i didn't call u! i was studying for my shitty exams... um yeah...i gotta go...keep it reazzle pimp

'3-2-1-0!' Michelle screamed and everyone sat up straight pretending they didn't know a thing.

'Snape isn't coming in…' Seamus said.

'I know…I wonder why…Maybe he's gotten laid!' Michelle said

'Michelle are you on something again?' Simone asked.

'Hell no…I wish I was though…-sigh—How I wish to be high…' Michelle said mumbling.

'Well, there must be a reason he-' Dean was saying but he was cut of by Snape barging in

Snape amazingly strutted in like usual…but while strutting all the sudden he stopped.

He turned very pale.

'I didn't know anyone could turn paler than that…' Lavender giggled into Pravati's ear.

Snape turned around walked over to Michelle and banged his hands on the table she was sitting at. Everyone jumped.

'What is the meaning of this...girly behavior…of trashing my classroom.'

'But sir…I…'

'No buts!' Snape gritted through his teeth while everyone remained silent and watched.

'Now tell me what the meaning of…this is.' His icy voice ran down everyone's spine. His eyes looked like he was going to murder.

'…'

'Answer me…' Snape said without curving his lip or his sarcastic voice either…you could tell he was really mad.

'…I-I don't know.' Michelle said in a small voice.

'Clean this mess instantly…NOW!' Snape ordered.

'Okay.'

Michelle grabbed her wand out and did a cleaning spell that cleans anything dirty, messy or out of place.

Everything was clean, no one dared to look at Snape because he was so angry.

Michelle sulked back to her desk.

'Now on with class. Parsen, you will be serving detention again. 6 o clock.'

'Yes sir.' Michelle said quietly, after a couple seconds after that she muttered 'Hijo de Puta' but no one can hear. (Hijo de puta Spanish meaning for Son of a whore)

All the sudden someone gasped. Everyone looked around to see what was wrong. Even Snape did.

Than people started to chuckle and giggle.

'Calm down this instant!…10 points from Gryffindor!' He said in his icy voice again but no one was listening, everyone was busy laughing at him.

'Oh my god…Your..youre-.' Ron said outloud.

'A WHAT?' Snape said sounding demanding.

Michelle was still sighing…Not even looking at Snape.

* * *

a/n:buwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 


	17. wowwwweeee

Sarah 2005-02-06 16 Anonymous 

Hey! You're 'special' too, wow, the doctor said I was special, well not that kinda doctor, shutting up now... Anyways... Snape? Getting laid? Who would lay him? well 'cept for a couple people I know who picture him as hot, and not as the guy in the movie... Hee "... girly behaviour...", I loved his reaction to his newly decorated pink classroom... So, Snape's a what? I didn't get that... I'm tired right now... No more parties for me ('cept for my birthday! 22 more days! uh, WOO!)... You'd leave me for "Bob"-sniffle-... -sob-... My friend "borrowed" my Dr. Dre cd and isn't giving it back (bitch)... So I have another reason to-> -sniffle-... Okee, I'm getting really tired... I can't wait to see what happens next:)  
(TOODLES!)

mini note from me: I know! who would lay him! lol pictures HiM hot? oh god wheres my barf bag when I need him? Oh your b-days in 22days-starts counting fingers- anyways on with the story!

* * *

voila:

Snape is furious and everyone is laughing.

'Stop that infernal laughing Longbottom!'

Well at least he could stop one person. Neville looks at him and laughs even more.

-sigh-' Michelle was the only one who wasn't laughing.

Colin Creevy was now taking pictures. Slytherin just sat there wide-eyed.

okay Parsen whatever you did make it stop this instance' Snape said pulling her towards him by her cloak.

She didn't look at him straight in the eye.

I didn't do it.' she said sounding like a robot.

Look at me…' he snarled. Now of course no one could hear their lovely conversation because they were all laughing while the Slytherin's sat there wide eyed not daring to look at Snape

I...d-d-didn't d-d-do anything' Michelle said looking scared.

_I love it when they are scared_ Snape thought to himself. Michelle looked at him wide-eyed with her mouth slightly open.

_I know I'm beautiful but I am not some kind of plastic doll to stare _

_at_' thought Snape holding the urge to flip his hair.

tell me the truth now or ill force u to drink the polyjuice' he snarled at her once again.

I swear. I don't know how it happened.' Michelle shrunk a bit.

(a/n: I bet your dying to know what's wrong!)

Tell me what's wrong...now!'

Well there's nothing wrong it just made you look different...its your hair...'

don't tell me its pink' at that she snickered at the thought of him with pink hair.

Not to worry its not pink...not to worry just take a look in the mirror.'

_If that's possible without even breaking it!_ she thought. Than Snape muttered something and poof! a mirror appeared!

Snape took the mirror and took a good look of himself.

Gah!...' Snape said dropping the mirror.

_This must of happened when Parsen used the cleaning spell!…Since I am a good and nice human (-everyone in the room starts coughing-) I am not going to murder her! But I do know pretty evil spells…_ he thought

My hair!' Snape exclaimed

Yes folks his hair + cleaning spell. What do you get?

Shampoo!...er…wait wrong answer...Snape!...er…wait wrong answer again...-random person walks in and continues to hit the narrator for

five endless minutes-

Yes anyways its Snape with non greasy hair!

Parsen, make your detention at 7:30pm' the icy voice that made her so cold she felt like she was in a middle of snow blizzard in Alaska with a tank top and mini skirt on!

y-y-yes sir...'

now to get on with class.' Snape said but everyone was laughing.

silence!' He said starting to sound a bit more stressed.

But than the bell rang...as everyone ran out of the classroom there was a sudden bang

Simone turned around

oh my god...Michelle...look!'

what?'

S-S-Snape...'

Snape?'

Look behind his desk!'

So that's how he crams in extra sleeping!' Michelle said to the fainted figure of Snape.

He fainted you dumb ass.'

I know you bitch! I'm not that dumb!'

what are we gonna do! Um...what was that thing again?...wingardian...'

_Wingardian leviosa_!' Michelle said dully pointing her wand at Snape.

wow you actually did something!' Simone said looking surprised.

I may be stupid but I can do things to...' Michelle said walking away with the floating Snape.

Michelle was really pissed...no one took her seriously. She could so do things!

Soon they arrived at the hospital wing.

Madam promf-' Simone said but was cut off by her.

What are you girls doing! Skipping class oh wait till Albus hears abo…-gasp- what happened! Put him on the bed! Well what are you waiting for? Hurry!' Michelle placed him on the bed.

He fainted all the sudden...' Simone was explaining.

Go get professor Dumbledore now!'

The two ran towards Dumbledore's office but was stopped by Filch.

what are you two doing skipping classes?'

we are on our way to see professor Dumbledore.' Simone explained.

I don't believe you two...ill take you' he said grabbing the two roughly by the shoulder and dragged the two to Dumbledore's office.

Sir I caught these two skipping. They claim they wish to see you.'

thank you...now please continue your duties'

Filch bowed and left the room.

Sir, we weren't skipping! Madam Promfrey sent us here! We were sent here because professor Snape fainted!'

Dumbledore stood up looking serious and started running.

Michelle and Simone both ran after him to the hospital wing

Poppy have you checked his arm?'

'Yes I have Albus…it's glowing…'

_His arm is glowing? _Michelle thought to herself a big confused. When actually Dumbledore and Madam Promfrey were talking about the dark mark.

'Thank you girls you may go…I will inform Hagrid that you two were not skipping and not to deduct house points or anything.' Dumbledore said to Michelle and Simone.

'Thank you sir.' Both Michelle and Simone said and left the room.

'Albus…Has…_You Know who_…found out?…About Severus being an spy?

'Perhaps…I do not know…But we may have to send a couple students back in time to prevent Severus from getting the dark mark…'

'back…in…time…?'

69696969696969696969696969

Random Narrator: 'Tis me! I am back from my long lost …uh…I dunno where I was I was literally lost…Wait…I was in Hawaii! Guess what I can hula dance –does a sad sad **saaaaaaaaaaaaad **attempt of a hula dance—anyways yes I have a whole bunch of questions for all you SPECIAL readers! Post the answer with your reviews blah blah blah…here are the questions:

Should anyone die in this?

Should anyone come back from the dead?

Who should be the 7 chosen students to go back in time to prevent Snape from getting the dark mark?(the time where Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, Lucius, Severus, Peter were in their 6th year)

Should Ron and Hermione break up?

Who should get seduced? And from who?

Should Michelle have an actual lover?…if so who?

Blah blah blah blah blah?

What are your comments on this story so far?

Suggestions?

I am not ending this story soon but should there be an epilogue?

Thanks for your time tata!

696969696969696969696969696969696

a/n: Im sorry if there were alot of mistakes...I did typed this from my cellphone so it might of sucked and when I was trying to fix it my mom was trying to get me off the comp so...SOWWY! DONT SUE OR MURDER ME-dies anyways...but continues to twitch-


	18. Alora

**I'd like to thank the faithful reviewers, readers and the weirdo's on the train I see on the way to school whoinspire me.**

siriuslykickbutt

2005-02-11

ch 17, anonymous o great chapter! k well i think you should for sure send harry back in time cause it would be funny if he runs into his dad, or lily thinks that he is james and kisses him or something. k well hope to read more soon!

Sarah

2005-02-10

ch 17, anonymous Wow... You die, twitching... Anyways, another great chapter! YAY!... OH, MY, GOD! (Chandler Bing-cough-...) Snape has clean hair! –gasp-... Hah! "I know I'm beautiful..." EW (nope, he's still no where near 'beautiful' to me... EW) "...Nice human...", Hmph, psh, hah... You went to Hawaii, wow... I wanna go there -sticks thumb in mouth childishly-... Seven students... hmm -strokes chin thoughtfully-... uh, Michelle, Simone... Harry, Hermione, Malfoy... and Crabbe and Goyle! (kidding! I was just kidding!) Heh, the Creevy brothers to follow Harry around... Yup, Ron and Hermione should break up (I'm probably just saying that 'cause I''m not all for that pairing... I'm okay with all the other pairings)... Okee, I'm trying to answer all you Q's but my brain hurts... ow... YES! There should be an epilogue! Okee, I can't wait to see what happens next:)

(TOODLES!)

Albus! That is extremely dangerous! Sending the students back into time!'

If we don't I'm afraid Severus will die...'

-Sigh-'

We shall have this discussion at the staff meeting tonight.'

... And for the remaining periods, I shall teach potions!'

-Twitch- and I'll be expecting a whole lot of students running in here.' muttered Madam Promfrey.

m?'

oh I said I'll be sorting out the medicine because I'm madam clean-cheesy grin-'

Uh huuuuuuh...' Dumbledore said walking off.

Hellooooooooo everyone…professor Snape is currently in the Hospital Wing almost dead! Not to worry!' Dumbledore said happily as he walked into the classroom

but hearing the news made everyone back away from their potions because people thought he was dying while making a potion and cheered.

Okay everyone make a cauldron and make it filled with...oh your 1st years!

fill it with wolfs saliva its a whole bunch of gooey stuff not to mention its green and slimy. well what are you waiting for?' Dumbledore said, than turned around and muttered while jumping like a happy child.

I luuuuuurve this kind of gunky stuff' over and over while the first years just sat there waiting for Dumbledore to bring out the ingredients...Which never happened.

6969696969696969696969

Dumbledore sat there drinking his coffee during an very important staff meeting the strands of hair that had fallen out had yet again had camouflaged with his beard...which was now was just a big poof.

Well what are we going to do about Severus, Albus?'

Well I've told you already'

Albus have you taken your candy yet?' McGonagal said because Dumbledore had NOT told them yet.

No the last time I went to the doctor he didn't have any left, the guy before me took the last packet of candy-Starts whispering while looking scared-

Don't tell anyone this but I murdered him last night...where is that blood stain?...Oh there it is! See!' Dumbledore said pointing to the coffee stain he had made about 5-10 minutes ago on his cloak. The teachers backed away not because he supposedly murdered someone, they backed away to the fact that Dumbledore had worn the same clothes.

This is what happens when you don't eat candy. You get : boring, boring dreams, boring everything, dream of things and make you think it really happened...here is a fine example to show you that candy is healthy!' McGonagal said while she and the other staff shoved candy in their mouth...leaving none for Dumbledore.

6969696969696969696969

Michelle woke up, it was a sunny day, a lovely day! Birds were flying and chirping while some flew right into the whomping willow and killed them self…Oh its such a beautiful day! But it had not been better for yesterday had been the day a certain greasy er

**Ex-**greasy man had fainted.

We're supposed to have potions today...I wonder what's going to happen? Poor Professor Snape.' Pansy said in her ''soothing'' caring voice.

The whole school knew now because Dumbledore had let it ''slip'' in the morning. Also telling everyone not to worry…of course everyone panicked.

I dunno' Michelle said grabbing her books.

Oh hi my Blazie Wazie!' pansy squeaked and clinged to Blaze's arm while Michelle shuddered. Blaze was enjoying this. Yes after Draco had started to go out with Simone for a month or two Pansy gave up on Draco and went for blaze…But you know…She could be jealous and is just hiding it.

Hey Millie, Draco, Crabbe...and Goyle' Michelle twitched slightly but she was getting over the fact that Goyle had hit on her.

Today Michelle was in her Slytherin mood. She was in no mood for her nemesis Alora Shipsin (the names I think of just get sadder each time!)

Michelle was in her Oh I'm better than you tit head' moods.

Just than Michelle heard alora say behind her.

Look its parsley Parsen! Oh what a shame, using people again, such high people, in Slytherin! Yoo Hoo Draco why don't you aquatint _me_ with your friends, I'm much worthier than _her_'

Draco was going to spit something at her but Michelle got there before him.

Are sure your more worthy you boner biting bastard?…Oh _I_ must be pretty low considering its coming from _you_'

How dare you talk to _me_ like that you worthless little mudblood'

Draco twitched while pansy let out a small scream.

Michelle chuckled at that remark.

Remember this, I'm a pureblood but using the word mudblood I can't forgive you'

Oh help me oh help me! Oh please forgive me!' alora screamed sarcastically and dramatically.

'Okay I'll help you! There you go!' Michelle said throwing a sickle straight into the middle of Alora's head.

'I know it's a waste to give something like this to you but you'll need this…considering you need a home and –sarcastic gasp—plastic surgery on your face!…Wait just use that on your home…I doubt you'll be able to fix anything like that.' Michelle said walking off leaving Alora fuming.

'Hey Parsen! Go get laid!' Alora screamed after her.

'Okay!' Michelle said…Everyone knew Alora liked Draco **A LOT**…not to mention every guy in Slytherin other than Crabbe and Goyle. So Michelle walked up right in front of Alora also pulling Draco by his wrist.

'Hey Draco, Shipsin says I should go get laid…Can you help me here?'

Draco caught on to what she was saying and played along.

'Sure! Hey Blaze wanna get laid with me and Michelle here? It'll be a fun three some! Make that four some! I'll get Simone to join!'

'Hey! I want you guys all to my self!' Michelle said pouting.

'Oh hell yeah I'll join! Hey I'll get the others to join too!' Blaze said hiding a smirk.

'Oh yea! Almost everyone from Slytherin!' Michelle said grinning.

'Well, Shipsin…I better be off. I've gots to go get laid. Bye!' Michelle said pulling Draco and running off with the rest.

They ran and ran till they were **FAR** from Alora.

'Thanks guys for playing along! That was hilarious!' Michelle said almost choking from laughter.

'I know! Did you see the look on her face?' Millicent said.

'HAHAH' they all laughed.

'So Draco how's it going with Simone?' Michelle asked

'Not to good…She's kinda angry…'

'Why?'

3 more reviews gets another chappie!

* * *

A/n: READ CHAP.19! VERY IMPORTANT! 


	19. HEY YOU!

**Important!**

Hello everyone thanks for always reading Seducing er Scaring Hogwarts (did I get that right:p) Anyways this font I'm writing with his screwed up and it is confusing me…THAT'S NOT THE POINT! –runs out the window screaming—

Returns 2 hours later 

Anyways the point is thanks for reading and reviewing! Honestly when I started this I thought this story would suck and no one would review…Sure this story my suck but blah blah blah blah blah…Enough of this crappy mushy stuff! I LOVE YOU ALL! –starts crying like a baby while babbling something—I said stop!

Anyways as my readers I would like you guys to answer some quick questions they can be posted by the reviews so please tell me! I need you guys to answer some quick questions…answer **alllllllllllllllllllllll** of them so here are the questions (and thanks for those who have answered some but pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase answer all of them! –goes on knees-) I've changed some of the questions and added some so please answer them!

Here they are:

One: Should anyone die in this?

Two: Should anyone come back from the dead?

Three: Who should be the 5 chosen students to go back in time to prevent Snape from getting the dark mark?(the time where Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, Lucius, Severus, Peter were in their 6th year) (I've decided to change the number of people going)

Four: Should Ron and Hermione break up?

Five: Who should get seduced? And from who?

Six: Should Michelle have an actual lover?…if so who?

Seven: Blah blah blah blah blah?

Eight: What are your comments on this story so far?

Nine: Suggestions?

Ten: Should there be another dance in the end?

Eleven: Complaints?

Thanks for taking in your time to answer my lame questions! And for the billionth time THANKS FOR READING MY STORY! –starts crying-


	20. Orgy!

**I'm sorry I forgot to put comments last time! Here they are:**

siriuslykickbutt

2005-02-11

ch 17, anonymous o great chapter! k well i think you should for sure send harry back in time cause it would be funny if he runs into his dad, or lily thinks that he is james and kisses him or something. k well hope to read more soon!

Mini note from me: Okay thanks! I'll be sure to use that. Thanks very much!

Sarah

2005-02-10

ch 17, anonymous Wow... You die, twitching... Anyways, another great chapter! YAY!... OH, MY, GOD! (Chandler Bing-cough-...) Snape has clean hair! –gasp-... Hah! "I know I'm beautiful..." EW (nope, he's still no where near 'beautiful' to me... EW) "...Nice human...", Hmph, psh, hah... You went to Hawaii, wow... I wanna go there -sticks thumb in mouth childishly-... Seven students... hmm -strokes chin thoughtfully-... uh, Michelle, Simone... Harry, Hermione, Malfoy... and Crabbe and Goyle! (kidding! I was just kidding!) Heh, the Creevy brothers to follow Harry around... Yup, Ron and Hermione should break up (I'm probably just saying that 'cause I''m not all for that pairing... I'm okay with all the other pairings)... Okee, I'm trying to answer all you Q's but my brain hurts... ow... YES! There should be an epilogue! Okee, I can't wait to see what happens next:)  
(TOODLES!)

Mini note from me: Okie! Thank you veeeeeeeeery much! Hehehe Snape beautiful…-gags—

Sarah

2005-02-15

ch 18, anonymous

O (Heh, "...They're sending me a message, it says O"... sorry, that comercial was just on) Why is Simone mad?... WOW! I would love to have Dumbledore teach me... No, not really... Now that I think about it, he seems very... uh, weird... YAY! Candy is good for you... Okee, I can't wait to see what happens next:)

(TOODLES!)

mini note from me: Wow two reviews in a row from you! W00t! (if the zero's don't show it says woot!) Hehe Dumbledore used to be a teacher…Not the headmaster…Wow Dumbledore's smart! Weird, smart teacher…We have a teacher like that! Candy is good!

Sarah

2005-02-16

ch 19, anonymous Wow... You're very emotional aren't ya-hands Hanachan a tissue-... Well, I was expecting another chappie (me before reading this- "Yay! another chapter!"... me after- "uh... Hee, I'm going to answer the Q's again!"... probably 'cause I actually finished my homework tonight... well not really... Of course then there's my friends soccer stuff is happening again, so I'm really bored and only have the computer for company...) On with the Q's.

1)Yes, 2)Yes (but not Elmo, anyone but Elmo! shudder), 3)Harry, Hermione, Ron, Draco, Michelle... wait, no... 4)Yep, 5)Harry, Lucius (kidding! I'm kidding... Oi, that's scary), 6)uh, yeah? (oh no I have that song stuck in my head... and "My nose looks like fricken Shrek..") um, Neville! (kidding...) 7)...blah, 8)It's funny-smiles like an idiot, 9)uh... can't. think. ow, 10)Yep, 11)uh... None that I can think of... Okee, I can't wait to see what happens next:)

(TOODLES!)

mini note from me: WOW THREE IN A ROW!

Hehehehe thanks for answering the Q's again! NEVILLE! LUCIUS AND HARRY! 0o0

Now that's scary…

Your nose looks like shrek! So does my socials teacher now that I think about it...Oh god now i cant go to class...I already have thunken weird stuff about him -dies-

for example...Me and my friend joke about him in a PINK tutu and starts dancing in class than jumps but when he jumps he weighs so much he goes right threw the floor and down on to the second floor where the gr.11's are having some sort of class and the gr.11's point of view is that they are sitting down and class is boring...than all the sudden this pink thing comes falling down from the ceiling...Yea I really imagned that during socials and I almost killed my self...Than we imaged this guy who I see on the train everyday...My friend thinks he likes me...But that just scared me...Okay this guy he has his hair slicked back just like Draco Malfoy...and its so funny cause once I saw him without the gel and he looked like a woman...I told my friend that and she drew a picture of him in a mini skirt/ uniform. We were laughing our asses off until about a week or so later I was sitting in the train and he was right infront of the seat where I sat...That day he had no gel on...I actually imaged him wearing a skirt...I wanted to jump off the train screaming...It was so hard not to laugh...I saw him today too...He was uh...what was he wearing..oh his usual selection of clothes...Black...ish..I dunno I dont care...It was funny. Now I gotta imagine more weird stuff about my teacher hehehe

katriana souless

2005-02-15

ch 18, signed

Hey, great story, update as soon as possible please, i really want to know what happens next!

Mini note from me: thanks! I'll try to update faster from now on! Thanks :D

You see...The problem is I really don't know! She started freaking out suddenly...'

Draco said looking sad.

Here I'll find out for you! I'm in a pissy mood with her, but I'll get it out

of her...Somehow' Michelle said violent grin on her face.. Yea Yea! She's supposed to be in her _I'm better than you...Now shut the fuck up_ moods but she's loyal to her friends.

Now I see why you got sorted in two houses...'

'Huh? What?'

Sssh shut up. Alora fucking Shipsin is probably going to say something about that! Jeez Drake...I misjudged you! I thought you were keen about this stuff...'

What the hell are you talking about!'Draco asked with a confused look.

Than Blaze tilted his head towards the wall behind them. About 1-3minutes later they noticed Alora was hiding behind that wall.

Draco signaled to play along as everyone nodded.

Blaze I have no idea what your talking about! Anyways lets make plans

Michelle, about our little _meeting_'

I thought it was a joke.' Michelle said with an innocent voice.

Michelle, things like this I don't joke about...After all I am the Slytherin sex god.'

-ehem- I resent that. Drake you gotta remember there's me...Right Pansy?'

Sorry Draco...' Pansy said in a playful voice than clinged on to Blazes arm.

Damn you Blaze!' Draco laughed.

Well why don't we go to the Slytherin dorms! It's not fun to keep me waiting!'

Michelle pouted.

I've got a better idea! How about we go to MY **_PRIVATE_** perfects room.'

Great idea Draco!'

Than they all went towards the perfects room as alora followed them.

guys she's still following us! You guys go into Draco's room we'll bring ya

dinner! Okay? Okay!' Millicent said while she, Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle ran while waving good bye to them. Not giving Draco, Blaze or Michelle a chance to answer.

Draco said the password and the three of them went in.

Oh great I'm stuck with you two for an hour or half past an hour' Michelle said plopping on to a comfy chair.

Hey that's what I'm supposed to say!' Draco and Blaze said at the same time.

Oh thanks...What are we gonna do the whole time! I could be sleeping! Oh this is boooring!'

Alora's still out there! And I thought Hufflepuffs were nice!'

They're loyal Blaze.' Draco said while lying on his bed.

Ohhhhh!'

Yeeea'

She's loyal alright...After all, you gotta be loyal to be a slave.'

Maybe she'll be my slave...' Blaze said with a horny grin.

Blaze! That's nasty!' Draco said with a disgusted look.

I'm gonna be dreaming of that one for months!' Michelle said looking pale.

I was only joking! Jeez why would want _that_!' Blaze said laughing as the other two pretended to gag.

That's still going to haunt me in my dreams!' Michelle said sadly.

...Oh my god! Images!' Draco said hitting the wall.

Ohhhh Slytherin sex god entertain us!...Oh god that sounded real wrong!' Michelle said.

Before Michelle said the last sentence Draco and Blaze stared at her weirdly.

Guys...and things...'

Hey!' Michelle said glaring at Blaze.

Anyways...We are supposed to be having an orgy…There's a chance Alora would try to listen. Someone have a fake orgasm and make it sound real!' Blaze said looking serious.

'Oh Blaze are you sure you want to hear that coming from me?' Draco said looking paler than ever.

'Hey, I'm not having a fake orgasm! If I tried it would probably sound like a cat being kicked…Than Filch would come running in here!…Plus Blaze…I didn't know you were that keen on stuff like that!' Michelle laughed.

'Do **_I _**have to do it!' Blaze said wide-eyed.

The two nodded and Blaze sighed.

'Ohhhh yea…' Blaze said turning pink and it really did sound real. Meanwhile Michelle and Draco had their hands on their mouths trying their BEST not to laugh…But little giggles would sometimes escape.

After 10-15 minutes of Blaze having a fake orgasm Blaze finally stopped.

'Can I stop now? This feels too wrong…'

'No Blaze you can't stop…You could've stopped a looooooooooooooooong time ago.' Draco said laughing.

'Well, what are we going to do now?' Michelle said yawning.


	21. The bed

xoxoMrs.Malfoyxoxo

2005-02-18

ch 20, anonymous

One: yes

Two: yes

Three: Harry,Michelle,Draco,Hermione and Ron

Four: Should Ron and Hermione break up?

Five: Yes...Harry

Six: SNAPE!..I agree with rabi person.

Seven: yes?

Eight: excellento?

Nine: I WANT MALFOY!

Eleven: no

Mini note from me: SNAPE-gasps in horror—

SNAPE? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT NOT YOU TOO! –cries—You people are evil.

Sarah

2005-02-18

ch 20, anonymous Hee... Blaise, orgy... with Draco and Michelle in the room... Oi, it sounded so wrong, yet funny, at the same time... Gee, Alora really sounds like a clingy, stalkery, scary (Hey! I ended 3 words in a row with 'Y') person... E! cough... Yeah, um, my nose doesn't look like Shrek, I just really like quoting 'White Chicks'... alot... My socials teacher sounded like Barney, I'm suprised he didn't end our classes with that 'I Love You...' song... O, he has hair like Malfoy, and he looks girly with it down (hee, mph, uh, hah)... scary, my friends make up really stupid jokes about Draco's hair all the time, and me being the nice friend I am, laugh at every single one of the, really, stupid jokes they make... Okee, I can't wait to see what happens next:)

(TOODLES!)

mini note from me: White chicks eh? I wanted to see it so much…but than I had to go back to Japan psh! Your friends do? Lol! Me and my friends laff at him because he sleeps the weirdest way on the train. We were laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing and my friend on the first train was like 'OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIM' and I'm like 'no!' cause it was so weird and she kept telling me to look and I was like NO! but after being almost strangled I looked and so him sleeping it was so funny…What it looks like? He has his head tilted back and his legs spread…It looks like he's getting head! Hahahaha we were laughing so much. Than when we had to get on the second train…out of all the trains we had to get on the same train as him! My friend kept hiding behind me freaking out yelling 'OH MY GOD LOOK! LOOK!' while I just said 'NO NO!' When finally I looked he was staring at us smiling it was soooo creepy. His smile was rather…suspicious may I say? Lol okay your nose doesn't look like Shrek…That'd be funny tho…

Pretty-Fly-For-A-Rabbi

2005-02-18

ch 19, anonymous 1.no 2. No 3. Hermione, Harry, Michelle, Draco and Goyle Hah!

4. No...Maybe...Yes 5. um...Simone? 6. YES!

Make the bf...Young Snape! I demand that as your devoted fan 7. sdgkajkf?

8. facsinating. 9. Michelle to fall in love with Snape!

10. Sure... (A.K.A: YES)

11. WHEN WILL MICHELLE LIKE SNAPE? I DEMAND THAT THIS HAPPENS!

xGood luckx

mini note from me: The good luck…I thank you…The Snape? Makes me want to murder…And sadly Snape votes are winning so far…If this goes on…That would make…Michelle…and Snape…-gasps in horror—Oh my god the horror! The horror!

-hits head against the wall screaming—

Thanks for answering the questions.

**To everyone:**

Oh my god! Recently I discovered something very odd…I have a teacher at school who is almost EXACTLY like Snape it scares me. He's our science teacher…So it's kinda like potions rite? He is evil to EVERY student…He doesn't give you a chance to answer. And he expects you to get everything wrong but asks you anyways just to be evil. His personality is almost like SNAPE! In class I realized that and he was right in front of me…I felt like dying on the spot. I always get his questions wrong but yesterday I actually answered the hardest one right from our homework (Thanks to my dad…I forced the answer out of him! Buwahahaha) and My teacher stared at me oddly and looked a bit disappointed that I got an answer right. It took him a while to realize I ACTUALLY got an answer right.

It was so funny. Even the smartest girl in the class couldn't answer the question and I just answered it normally, it was so funny. The look on his face! I almost laughed out loud…But if I did…He would LITERALLY MURDER ME! In class when I got it right this is what he said:

'……………………………….(10-15 seconds of silence and staring at me weirdly)…Yes that I-I-is correct…(starts going on with his lecture)…And **MICHELLE'S answer…WHICH WAS RIGHT!**…(Goes on with his lecture) (in the end: ) **MICHELLE'S ANSWER WAS RIGHT!**.'

It looked like he forced that out of himself. It was funny…I swear he hates me though…Many times he has almost hit me with his car…I swear he hates me…And now…He hates me more :) Ah…Heaven…and Hell… thanks for reading my story by the way! If you wanna read a really crazy story...read my Potions Suprise! But continue reading this story :D

* * *

The three sat there thinking what to do.

Well, 25 minutes past so far...Sooo...Oh I've got an idea! Lets play Truth or

Dare!' Michelle said sitting up straight.

What the fuck is that!' Draco said sitting up with a confused smile.

Oh yes I forgot! It's a game that muggles-' Michelle said but was interrupted.

Prince of Slytherin playing muggle games! That'll be top news!' Blaze laughed while Draco sat there with an eyebrow up high with his trade mark smirk.

What the fuck?…Prince of Slytherin?' Michelle said looking REALLY confused.

Yes Michelle...Prince-…of-…. Slytherin.' Blaze said slowly to Michelle. Michelle was staring at Draco, while he flipped his hair.

Amazed?' Draco finally spoke in a way that said: **_I'm so mighty!_**

Our prince is _this..._Oh that's just sad...' Michelle said shaking her head.

Ouch...That hurt!' Draco hissed.

REALLY? Oh mighty prince please forgive me! Oh I am on my knees!

Please forgive me! I shall do anything you please oh mighty prince!'

Michelle said dramatically and even went on her knees.

If Goyle was Drake here in the same situation he would be taking off his pants right about...………………………Now...……………………… But if it was me, I'd be lying on the bed naked asking you to come on over.'

When Blaze said the first sentence Michelle asked Draco if he had a knife near by with the look of murder in her eyes. But before he could answer she grabbed the one she spotted first and slowly started walking towards Blaze...Michelle would easily kill Blaze because his back faced towards her the whole time. Than Blaze said the second sentence. Than he turned around and saw the wide-eyed Michelle holding the knife up while backing away slowly. Blaze followed her while Michelle power walked backwards with the same look on her face and holding the knife the same way. Draco meanwhile was just sitting there laughing at the two.

Oh my fucking god you guys are like cartoons! It's so immature but its funny!'

_Meanwhile_

Where's Michelle?' Ron said shoving a chicken wing into his mouth.

Probably with Malfoy...Seeing that he's not around.' Dean said but Simone

Scowled.

_Is he cheating on me?_ Simone thought insecurely while shoving a knife into the turkey she was eating not noticing the fact that everyone was backing away from her.

Hermione sat there pretending to listen to her boyfriend who was talking about how great he was at quidditch. But she knew the truth…She saw him screw up badly. Hermione was watching Madam Promfrey talk to Dumbledore in an urgent way. Dumbledore stood up and ran with Madam Promfrey.

That's really wonderful Ron. I need to go somewhere.' she said running out of the great hall and went towards the hospital wing.

'Severus, what happened! Your arm is glowing fiercely.'

He knows I'm a spy.' Snape said weakly.

Tell me Severus, when did you get the mark?' Dumbledore asked.

I got on the night of the dance in October in 6th year.' Snape said weakly again.

'Thank you Severus.'

'Headmaster I was wondering how I got here.'

'Ms.Castelle and Ms.Parsen discovered you and brought you here.'

Ah... I see...' _so the prat and her almost know-it-all rat brought me here_

Snape thought and shuddered.

'Well I have one thing to say…Before you go…Tell…'

Snape was saying but than he fainted. Dumbledore had a feeling that that would be the last time he was ever going to wake up.

Meanwhile back at Draco's perfects room the three had figured out how to get Muggle television and were watching jerry springer. A Wizard had told Jerry he had to tell his wife he was a magical person.

_I'm a wizard! I have magical powers!'_

This man is crazy!' Draco laughed.

_  
I'm sure you do. After all, all of us men have a little bit of magic in each of us.' jerry said winking._

I love this guy! He's hilarious!' Blaze said. The show went on and things were boring them. Blaze was disappointed that when the women flashed everyone things was censored.

Muggles have let me down yet again.' Blaze said.

Michelle sighed.

I know something that will entertain you...this.' Michelle said as she changed the channel to _Bay watch_ the two guys turned around towards the T.V and saw a blonde woman in a small red bikini thong running in the ocean while swishing her hair.

The two boys moved closer to the T.V with their mouth slightly open.

Look at those nice jugs...' Blaze drooled.

This has got to be the hottest shit I've ever seen in my life' Draco drooled.

This is called Bay watch.' Michelle said.

Bay watch' the two boys sighed.

'What do you think of Muggles now…?' Michelle smirked.

'Sexy…' The two boys repliedlooking hypnotized to the t.v

Than someone knocked the door. The two boys groaned and Draco went for the door as

Michelle made the t.v disappear.

We brought you dinner……...Did we disturb anything?' Millicent said observing the look on Draco's face.

Draaaaacoooo hurry up the beds getting cold!...never mind! I'll just continue on with Blaze!' Michelle whined as a joke. Draco was left out there stammering and panicking trying to explain to the four that Michelle was joking.

Really?' Blaze said which was loud enough for the rest to hear as Michelle judged.

Ohhh yea so come here you sexy _tiger_' at this Blaze pounced on Michelle.

Get off me you horny pervert.' Michelle whispered trying desperately to get Blaze off of her.

Us tigers never let go' he let out an erotic growl.

Ooh I like that!' Michelle said loudly.

The whole tiger thing is a joke! Now get off me and play along by jumping on the bed!' Michelle hissed quietly.

Oh' Blaze whispered while getting off her.

Thank you!' Michelle whispered in an irritated way.

Michelle and Blaze got on the bed and started jumping on it which made those squeaky sounds.

mmmmmm right there! Yes!' Michelle said loudly.

Draco was panicking while the four outside had their mouths wide open.

' I s-s-s-s-swear those t-t-t-two are j-j-j-j-joking!' stammered Draco, who was starting to sound like Neville when he screwed up a potion and trying to explain to Snape why he had screwed up.

'Draco…You may be a sex god but that's not good if you cheat with your girlfriends friend!' Pansy said staring at him seriously.

'Oh you bitch! Just take a look for yourself!' Draco hissed and grabbed her by the wrist and pushed her into the room. Pansy was screaming covering her eyes with her little chubby hands.

'JUST LOOK!' Draco yelled.

Michelle and Blaze had stopped jumping on the bed staring at Pansy.

'AAGGGHHHHHhhhhh?' Pansy said staring at the two.

'Hey Pansy! Wanna join the fun?' Michelle said out loud while holding her hand out.

'No! My bed will break!' Draco yelled furiously.

'Sure!' Pansy said grinning and jumped on to the bed.

'God!' Draco said massaging his temples.

'They've taken her!' Crabbe cried helplessly.

Soon there was a big **_Ker thlunk _**heard.

'Nooooooooo my precious bed!' Draco screamed in horror.

Draco ran to murder the three but found Blaze lying on the floor in pain.

'Owwwwww' Blaze rubbed his ass.

'Oh…its you…no worries…' Draco said walking off.

'Oh my god! He's the first survivor!' Goyle said pointing to the figure of Draco coming back.

'You're next!' He gritted threw his teeth pulling Goyle in.

'Um…Okay?…Bye guys! I'll bring ya all souvenirs if I ever get back!' Goyle said while Draco was pushing Goyle with all his might.

'Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo' Millicent and Crabbe screamed.

'They've taken Goyle!' Millicent said.

'Oh that poor soul!' Crabbe said.

'Oh hey guys! That looks fun! Can I join?'

There was a huge scream was heard.

'AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'

'Oh my god! Goyle has lungs!' Millicent said looking surprised.

'But…That sounds like…Michelle? Screaming.' Crabbe said looking confused.

'You have a point.' Millicent said looking confused.

'AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…' Michelle continued screaming.

_YES MY PLAN HAS WORKED! _Draco thought joyfully.

'AGHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….sure!' Michelle said.

_DAMMIT! _Draco thought looking angrier than ever.

'You two get in here…' He said coldly pulling the two in.

'Wow…He's like a replica of Snape with blonde non greasy hair.' Millicent said while Crabbe nodded nervously.

Than they saw it four people bouncing on the bed laughing.

'That's no orgy!' Millicent said out loud.

'It's a disaster Michelle started.' Pansy laughed while Michelle shrugged.

'Can you four get off my bed now?' Draco said looking like he was gonna burst a vain.

'Sure.' They said and they stopped and got off the bed.

Michelle than spotted the food that they had brought and started running towards it.

'Fooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!' Michelle said happily.

'Fooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool!' Draco pointed at her while they others laughed.

'Hurry up before I eat it all…I have no problem with that!' Michelle said while Draco and Goyle ran to get the food.

The three all chomped it down in 5 minutes and were smiling by the time they were done.

**

* * *

****3more reviews till the next chapter!** ah...I love being evil. 


	22. David

**HEY EVERYONE READ 'DEAD LIKE YOU WANTED ME TO BE' ITS MY NEW STORY PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAASE REVIEW IT! I'LL GIVE YOU A BONUS CHAPPIE BY EMAILING IT TO YOU! ONLY PEOPLE WHO REVIEW GET IT!**

terry

2005-02-20

ch 21, anonymous

bump!

Mini note from me: Hey that is so cheap! Lol

Sarah

2005-02-19

ch 21, anonymous Soo... When Draco did the flippy thingy with his hair, did he look like that 'Prince Charming' guy off of 'Shrek'?... 'Cause that's what I pictured in my head... scary... A guy who looks like he's getting head, on a train, when he's sleeping... Okee, that's scarier... Soo, everyone else want's a Michelle and Snape pairing, gasps dramatically that's even scarier than Pettigrew in a pink fluffy thong (Oh No! I remembered that! EW!EW!EW! Bad image in head. bad. Bad. BAD image in head...) Wow, you're teacher really does sound like Snape, spooky... There was this creepy lady who worked (I think she owned it... anyways) at this bookstore I used to go to who cleared her throat the way I imagine Umbridge would, she even had a picture of a kitten behind her, along with a picture of this weird birdy thingy... she hated me, and my friends... a lot... Anyways, on with my review! Simone thinks her honey bunch, sweety pie, (there's a longer list, which I use to embarass my guy friends with when a 'potential girlfriend' is around... but I chose not to post them... now that I think about it, I'm really just embarassing myself...) is cheating on her... Okee, I guess the little people in this fanfic really have to watch out when any of them gets a knife in their hand... scary... Actually, 'Bay Watch' is scary-y-y... although, it is fun to watch idiots try and re-enact the running in to the water thing while at the beach during summer time... sigh, summer "Why are you so far away, dear sweet summer monthes!" gasp.. sob.., okee shutting up now... I can't wait to see what happens next:)

(TOODLES!)

mini note: oh that's creepy…sorry this note is short im supposed to be asleep:p

* * *

Simone lay on her bed while thinking 

_Is he cheating on me?_

While closing her eyes a tear rolled down her cheek.

What if he was?

_Of course he is! _A small voice said in her head.

'What? No he isn't!' She thought back.

_Well, Michelle and Draco just HAPPEN to be gone for hours at the same time! coincidence? I think not!_ The voice said back.

'But...Michelle is my friend! Friend's don't do that! What if she got the dark mark? Voldy did ask if she wanted join!' Simone thought sitting up while tears continued to stream down.

_Hello! He has probably screwed her by now! She's grumpy than happy! Mood swings happen when your pregnant! She eats a lot lately! Plus she sleeps a lot and she doesn't act like she's PMSing...So much for a boyfriend and a friend_. The voice said with anger.

'You know your right! It seems like they're hiding something!' Simone thought while her anger rose. Right than and there the door was opened to the dorm.

Simone heard Michelle's voice.

Tonight was fun! Thanks!'

Our _meeting_ was real fun!' Draco laughed.

Especially in the end!' Michelle laughed.

Hey I was hungry!' Draco said

Blaze never got any dinner because Goyle ate it instead while Blaze was looking away.

_See they did screw! Listen to that conversation! Michelle's mad at you and you hurt Draco! You see! Go tell 'em whose boss! _The voice sneered.

Simone walked up to Michelle and grabbed her arm. While Michelle struggled.

'Simone! What are you doing!' Michelle struggled through her words trying to break free.

_No mark on the left arm. _Simone checked.

'SIMONE! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING? What the hell is wrong with you!'

_Neither on the right. _Simone checked.

'You better stay away from Draco, Michelle. It's not a smart to screw your friends boyfriends…You know that. I Missed judged you.' Simone hissed.

Simone what the hell are talking about!' Michelle said trying to get free.

I just told you to stay _away_ from my boyfriend! Oh! I'm sorry you're too thick to understand!'

Simone-' a voice said over the two girls. They turned their heads to see who the voice belonged to.

...Draco!...Why did you-' Simone whispered angrily as tears continued to stream down her face.

Simone, its over.' Draco said with an expression no one could read but there was a hint of sadness in his voice.

Draco! Why are you going to spilt up! Michelle freaked.

Simone turned around and had her back faced towards the two as she tried to

keep her self from crying but the tears kept flowing out.

Michelle shut up. It's over now.' Simone hissed through her tears.  
_Too late she stole him. You lost him._ The voice said which made Simone's tears stream out more.

Michelle and I never did anything like that behind your back. I may be a sex god-' Draco said calmly but when he said the last two words Michelle started coughing. Michelle kept coughing until she was sent a death glare by him.

I've been thinking. I don't think I deserve you and-'

What are you talking about Draco? You mean the world to me! Why-'

Listen to me! Not only that, but you assume things and start freaking out. I cant have you blaming my friends and almost hurting them. I'm sor-'

Don't even say it!' Simone hissed and ran off to the girl's dormitory. Just as

Simone ran out, she passed by Harry.

Hey Michelle, do you know what's wrong with Si-...Malfoy!' Harry asked but than saw Draco.

Well, well, well look what the cat coughed up! Are Weasel and mudblo-'

Draco! Cut it!' Michelle scowled.

Never thought you would do what a chick or Gryffindor says.'

Harry stop it.' Michelle glared while Harry stood there.

Well this Gryffindor and may I mention a SLYTHERIN is a chick also a FRIEND

that I can respect! Unlike _you_ Potter' Draco spat.

I guess you can't respect Simone too huh?' Harry spat back.

Harry you're unbelievable!' Michelle hissed than stormed out of the Gryffindor common room and went to the Slytherin dorms.

I have to agree with Michelle. Harry, your unbelievable.' Hermione said from above the stair looking down to the two boys.

Meanwhile 

Why did he leave me! Well I hear someone freaking out.

_Sounds like its Michelle._ The voice sneered.

You're right.

_Why the hell would she be happy? She stole Draco from you!_

I know!

By the way who are you?

_Ahhh...I had been waiting for that question. I am a friend of L.M, Would you _

_like to join me? Together we will Draco back from Michelle!_

Who's L.M?

_A Malfoy, a very faithful person._

Than I'll join!

_Excellent...Meet me by the owlery (sp?) in 30minutes. Come by yourself._

Okay!

_Well I better be going. See you._

Okay

_Out of Simone's head:_

Simone smiled to herself. Judging from the voice this person.

Simone wore a red T-shirt and dark blue jeans and looked at the clock.

_Oh! It's time._ Simone thought happily and ran outside to the owlery.

There she saw a tall young man who had beautiful dirty blonde hair, green eyes, perfect skin and also had a nice body.

_DAMN! That's one nice tush._ Simone thought to herself.

_Really? Thanks!_ The voice said in her head as the man in front of her smirked while she turned a dark shade of red.

Ah...You must be Simone. Nice to meet you!' The man said politely shaking her hand while smiling.

Nice to meet you too...uh...' Simone said not knowing who he was…Just as the guy from her head.

Oh! I'm sorry I forgot to introduce myself. My name his David.' David said politely.

I work with the Minister of magic.' He continued while Simone was just staring at him in awe. That explained why he could read her mind.

_That is sexy!_ Simone thought.

_Thanks again._ David said in her head.

_Wha- _Simone thought freaked out.

'I'll stay out of your head now...' David said as Simone glared.

The two continued to talk until David had to go.

Well it's been a pleasure talking with you. I hope we can talk again. Good night.'

He said while touching her arm lightly. He left smiling.

_That is one nice smile…_ Simone thought smiling. Soon she felt a piercing pain than passed out on the spot.

Simone woke up in the morning with Michelle by her side.

'W-Where am I?' Simone said looking around with her blurred eyesight.

'Welcome to hell! Today's special is burnt fries, burnt donuts, burnt hamburgers, burnt cookies and an over heated drink comes with the meal! So what will your order be today ma'am?' Michelle said brightly and sarcastically.

'The over heated drink to throw at you…' Simone said sarcastically.

'Haha coming right up! Today's menu is brought to you by Madam Promfrey's hospital wing galore!' Michelle smiled.

'Hospital wing eh?…Wait! What's the ingredients of the drink!' Simone asked.

'BEEF STEW, HURL A.K.A BARF! It's our most popular drink!' Michelle said.

'I think I feel even more sick…' Simone turned green.

'Hahaha…So how you doin? They found you half dead…Well not really…They just found you…Passed out…Guess who found you?' Michelle snickered while shoving a chocolate frog into Simone's mouth.

'Whmrrr?' Simone tried to talk but her mouth had been filled with a whole bunch of chocolate frogs.

'I'm sorry I only speak Japanese and English…I don't speak Simone or Alien.' Michelle yawned.

'I said who!' Simone said finally being able to swallow all those frogs. Than Michelle shoved a lollipop into Simone's mouth.

'Well this person went out for a walk, because they had some thinking to do. So they went out for a walk th-'

'Just get to it…' Simone moaned.

'Draco.'

'WHAT?' Simone's voice echoed the hospital wing.

'Where is he!' Simone freaked.

'He's currently outside freaking out just like you.' Michelle said.

'…' Simone thought to her self…What happened yesterday.

Oh yes! She met David. Oh man was he _sexy._

'Ow…' Simone twitched her arm had hurt again.

'What?' Michelle turned around with a questioned look.

Simone checked her arm and saw something.

'Nothing.' Simone muttered. While taking a huge gulp.

Her arm…There was…The dark mark on HER arm. It was the end of her life.

'Michelle I kinda need to be alone for a few minutes.' Simone said.

'Okay!' Michelle said and walked out the door.

Simone cried, she had the dark mark on her arm. David was a fake person, it was all just Voldemort.

'Is there anything wrong Miss. Castelle?' A voice said.

Simone jumped and saw Dumbledore. Simone burst into tears while Dumbledore stared at her with sympathy.

'Is there anything wrong?' He asked.

_Of course something's wrong!_ Simone thought in her mind but just nodded.

Simone held out her arm and Dumbledore took a good look.

He stared at her seriously.

'How did this happen?' He asked.

'Last night I heard a voice in my head. That voice belonged to a man named David. He claimed he worked in the Ministry of Magic. He said good bye to me but than he touched my arm…About 10seconds after he left I felt a piercing pain and that's all I remember.'

Simone continued crying.

Dumbledore sighed. He felt very sympathetic towards her. She needed help, but the person that could help her the most was Snape since he was a spy…But he is almost dead. Well, practically he is dead…He hasn't woken up but his breathing is getting a bit weak. He needed to send students back into time _fast_. But who? He always made wise decisions.

Than Dumbledore stood up.

'Excuse me Ms.Castelle, I have very important business I must finish. I shall go get Madam Promfrey for you. Good night.'

Dumbledore was about to save two people. Snape and Simone.

* * *

Please answer the questions before March 2nd! 


	23. whose that boy?

a/n im sorry i havnt updated for a while ive been really busy. Well i cant write replies to reviews cause i have to go :p hope yea enjoy

* * *

'Minerva, I am going to borrow your students for a while.' Dumbledore said.

'May I ask what for Albus?' McGonagal asked politely.

She was kinda worried these days. Ever since the candy incident at the staff meeting she was...Lets just say that it was a big turn off. She was kind of freaked out too.

(a/n: I have the urge! I have the urge...To eat cake and make this story uh...non boring! EWWW!...I just lost my appetite...Huge fat guy in our class gagwearing 69 shirt ew ew ew...I'm scarred for li-

AAAGGGGGGHHHHHH! Freaky teacher! SnickerHe is taking the most ridiculous pose ever! Oh goody next is French! My teacher is gonna bring a nice and chocolate cake while all the other people aren't allowed laughs evilly...-Twitchn-n-no cake! WAHHHHH-Ooooo weird animated French movie ...AGHH! Freaky lady! ER...Oh yes I'm supposed to go on with the story!)

'It's for Severus student I must keep unidentified. I'm going to send three of your students and two Slytherin's back into time. They're job is to stop Severus and another person from getting the dark mark.'

'Hmmm I see...But isn't that danger-' McGonagal was saying but Dumbledore interrupted her.

'Dangerous, I know. But I have a plan. Well I am in a hurry. Thank you for your time.' Dumbledore said running to the Gryffindor common room.

'Lemony Zonketers.'

'Emergency?' the fat lady asked.

'Yes...' Dumbledore said walking into the Gryffindor common room.

'Harry will you get Ms.Parsen and Ms. Granger for me?'

'Sure but Michelle isn't here she's in the Slytherin dormitory right now

sir.' Harry said politely than ran and came back with Hermione.

'Harry, Hermione, I need you two, Michelle and two more other students to go back in time to save professor Snape from getting the dark mark. Yes, that means you may have to face Voldemort again but I believe in you. Hermione, stay clear from Professor Snape, Professor Lupin and of course Mr.Black. They are quite attractive.' Dumbledore winked with a grin that was hiding behind his long beard. Uh...Thank you professor.'

'Come to my office at lunch.'

'Okay' they both answered while Dumbledore walked out the common room.

'Slytherin's and Gryffindor...What a disaster...But it is worth it' Dumbledore muttered to himself than stood in front of the Slytherin dormitory door.

'Pureblood.' Dumbledore said and walked in.

'Michelle, would you go get Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Zambini (sp?)? I need to talk to you three.'

'Okay...' Michelle said scared that Dumbledore might talk to them about their joke in Draco's perfect room.

Soon Michelle came back with Blaze and Draco.

'Michelle, Draco and Blaze I need you three, and two more other students to go back in time to save professor Snape from getting the dark mark. Yes, that means you may have to face Voldemort but I believe in you. Michelle, stay clear from Professor Snape, Professor Lupin and of course Mr.Black. They are quite attractive.' Dumbledore smiled as Michelle twitched and the guys stood there trying not to laugh their ass off.

'Come to my office at lunch.'

'Okay' they answered while Dumbledore walked out the common room. Right after he left they all laid on the floor laughing.

_Lunch_

'I wonder who the other students are...better not be Harry fucking potter,Weaslebee and mudblood. I hate Gryffindor! I understand why salzar hated-'

Draco was going on but was interrupted by a cold glare.

'Ehem, I for one just HAPPEN to be a Gryffindor that hangs out with them!'

'Are you talking to a Malfoy like that?' Draco sneered.

'What Malfoy? What are you talking about? I hear malfoy's are so damn sexy but all I see a blonde haired uh...girl…right? That looks road kill with her pet.'

Michelle sneered than grinned.

'Malfoy' Harry sneered with Hermione beside him.

'Well, well, well. If it isn't golden boy and mudblood. Where's your boyfriend mudblood?' Draco sneered.

'Still bouncing around ferret boy.' the two boys fought about five minutes later they noticed the rest were in Dumbledore's office.

69696969696969696969

'Back in time...That means my dad.' Draco sighed rubbing his temples.

'Your dad?' Michelle said shoving her quill into her bag.

'His dads a jerk.' Blaze whispered.

Michelle made her mouth into an o' shape.

'I'm done packing whadda bout you?' Blaze stretched.

'Yep.' Draco and Michelle nodded and held their suitcase and went to Dumbledore's office.

_Meanwhile_

'What do you mean your going!' Ron yelled furiously.

'Ron! Calm down! I'm just splitting up for a while!' Hermione said.

'And cheat on me?'

'RONALD WEASLY!CALM DOWN OR I WILL SPLIT WITH YOU FOREVER!' Hermione yelled furiously while shoving her finger at his chest.

'Whatever.' Ron said who was mad.

Hermione sighed and went towards Ron and hugged him.

'I'm sorry.' she whispered and kissed him on the cheek and left.

Ron sat on his bed with his face buried in his hands, depressed

Hermione sighed and went towards Harry.

'I'm done.' she said as he nodded. They left to go to Dumbledore's office.

'Hey Simone! HELLOOO? Good mornin!' Michelle grinned.

'Yea...GOOD morning.' Simone muttered sarcastically thinking of her death mark.

'Tell me what's wrong. Maybe I can help.' Michelle asked.

Simone sighed and pulled up her sleeve revealing her mark.

'The only way to save me is to go back in time which is impossible.' Simone sighed and laughed sarcastically.

'Hm. When did it happen?' Michelle asked looking bored.

'The night when Draco dumped me.' Simone muttered.

'Ah...well I gotta go...I'm not gonna be able to come here for a while. peace.'

Michelle said and ran out.

'I've already talked to my past self. Have fun!' Dumbledore smiled while placing the time turner around the five.

'Mr. Zambini your name will be Blaze Banzani. Mr. Malfoy, Draco Manson.

Ms.Parsen, Michelle Palace. Ms. Granger, Hermione Janener. Mr. Potter, Harry Korten. Turn it 10 times.'

Dumbledore said and waved goodbye while Hermione turned it. Everyone was squished. Draco and Harry were squished and they pulled. What no one knew was someone's arm skidded on the turner and made half a turn.

Finally they arrived. But because of all the pulling everyone fell on top of each other.

'Oww...can you all get off me?' Harry groaned. Everyone got off and stood up and noticed they were a month and a half early.

'Well we always have the time turner!' Hermione said and smiled.

'I wouldn't be so sure Granger.' Blaze said pointing to the smooshed time turner.

Everyone faced each other with a look of horror.

'Its all your fault Potter.' Draco hissed.

'Shut up Malfoy.' Hermione hissed.

Just when Draco was gonna say something Dumbledore walked in.

'Ah...How did you, James, Lucius and you other children get here so early? The train isnt supposed to arrive this early. Ahh...I see you cut your hair Mr. Malfoy.' A young Dumbledore smiled at them. Everyone had questioned looks on their faces.

'Er...We're from the future. We kinda came here a month and a half early.'

Hermione spoke up.

'Our time turner kinda...broke.' Blaze shrugged.

'Ahh...I see. Those haven't been invented yet!' Dumbledore looked at them seriously.

'What?' everyone said.

All the sudden a young McGonagal walked in with VERY kinky lingerie.

'Hun the-' She saw the look on the five kid's face who looked at her with horror. McGonagal turned red and ran out.

'We will have yousorted. The train has arrived. Come with the first years.'

Dumbledore said looking a happier than 5 minutes ago.

'I know Dumbledore's secret of happiness. Cause if I had someone sexy walk in like that I would be happy too.' Draco whispered to Blaze who just nodded.

Everyone walked with the first years and saw McGonagal who looked really embarrassed. Explained what was going to happen than she left.

'Aren't you to BIG to be first years? Awwwww mommy wouldn't let you go?' one first year laughed.

'Bit tiny isn't he? To say that?' Blaze laughed.

'With a height like that his cock must be pretty tiny! And with that cocky wannabe it must be gone.' Michelle laughed.

'So tell me…What is it like having no dick at all?' Draco smirked while Blaze and Michelle laughed while Hermione, Harry and a couple first years couldn't completely stop them from laughing and snickered.

All the sudden the cocky first year stared at Draco with shock.

'A-a-rnt you?'

'Aren't I what?' Draco asked sneering.

Before the kid answered McGonagal walked in.

'Well go in. Come on!' She hissed and they all walked in looking at the glorious ceiling.

'I never thought I would be doing this again.' Hermione beamed with glory.

'Yea.' Harry sighed looking at his future parents who were just staring at Harry with amazement.

'He looks just like ya James.' Sirius whispered to James.

'Are you _sure_ you don't have brother or cousin who looks just like you?' Remus looked dumbfounded.

'I'm sure.' James muttered grumpily while everyone asked if they knew who he was.

'Hey Lily, doesn't that look like James?' Molly asked.

'Yea. He's probably playing a practical joke or something by a clone like thing himself.'

'I wouldn't be so sure, Lily.' Molly said pointing to the puzzled look James had.

'Whose that boy?' Lily and James muttered under their breath at the same time.

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REVIEW! OR I WONT GIVE YOU ANOTHER CHAPPIE! (im going to can yay!) 


	24. Baywatch Trauma

Everyone- Hey Im soooooooooo sorry I havnt updated for a while hehehehe i hope u enjoy this chap! it might be kinda boring cause i have a headache and stuff so --yaaaaaawn--

chocolate creme- Yea I know I **WAS** back in canada but now im back in japan. Oh your gonna kill me for this chap.

MissyMelBelle- Oh yea they think she's Sexeh! hehe

Sarah - Sorry I havnt updated I have now! I've been so busy! Hope you like this chap.

The first years had all been sorted. Now it was only Harry, Blaze, Draco, Michelle and Hermione's turn. Hermione fidgeted nervously while Harry stood there knowing he'd have to beg the hat to not put him in Slytherin. Draco on the other hand stood there smirking cause in first year the hat barely touched his head and shouted 'Slytherin!'.

Blaze had a secret though, in first year the hat had considered putting him in Huffle Puff. Blaze was kinda creeped that it might happen again. Michelle on the other hand, was yet again eating something. This time it was Bertie Bots. Michelle was eating and gave some to everyone. Harry unfortunately had booger, Hermione had Earthworm, Blaze got grass and Draco got vomit. The funny thing about Draco had never eaten Bertie Bots before. He shrugged and ate it. He had a disgusted look and stared at Michelle.

'What the fuck is this! Are you trying to poison me!' Draco hissed.

'Maybe but what did it taste like?' Michelle snickered while the others did too.

'It tasted like Shit. In other words it tasted like once eaten pizza that got hurled back up!' Draco hissed yet again.

'That's gross!'

'You are a sick minded freak!'

'No shit Sherlock.'

'What?'

'Doesn't it kinda creep you out when it says 'Natural and unnatural flavors'!'

Everyone took a huge gulp and stared at Michelle with disgust.

'Hermione Janener!' McGonagal said out loud.

Hermione jumped and paced towards the hat and sat down. The hat was placed on her head.

'Ah…Back in time are you?' The hat's voice said in her head.

'Mhmm.' Hermione muttered.

'GRYFFINDOR!' The hat yelled while Hermione grinned and the Gryffindor's cheered.

Hermione started walking towards the Gryffindor table but McGonagal stopped her and motioned her to stay at the front.

'Harry Korten!' McGonagal yelled.

Harry just fumbled to the hat sat down and got the hat placed on his head.

Harry had another conversation in his head with the hat like he did and first year.

'GRYFFINDOR!' The hat yelled while Harry grinned and went towards Hermione.

'Michelle Palace' McGonagal yelled.

Michelle walked lazily and had another conversation with the hat like she did a couple months ago. The hat ended up doin the same thing. She was placed in Gryffindor and Slytherin. The students murmured while Michelle joined the others.

'Draco Manson!'

'The hat just barely brushed his head

'SLYTHERIN!'

Lucius glared at Draco, Nobody except NOBODY had a nice golden blond hair like himself. Oh that new Slytherin is in big doo doo! Lucius snorted and turned to Severus who was sleeping.

'WAKE UP Sevalicious.' Lucius sneered.

'That's just fuckin gross' A young Severus Snape sneered and went back to sleep again.

'Look at that twit with MY sexy blond hair!' Lucius sniffed and flipped his hair.

'Mmm. That's nice.' Severus mumbled.

'Look there are two chicks in our year. One of them is Gryffindor and one of them is a half twit. Half Gryffindor and half Slytherin. And there's one who looks like Potter.'

Severus' hands curled up and he lifted his head up. He stared at the boy who looked a lot like potter. He hated him already. Potter took away **HIS** Lily Evans.'

After the Ceremony everyone went except Blaze, Hermione, Draco, Michelle and Harry were taken to Dumbledore's room and get some explanation.

'I'm afraid the time turner hasn't been invented yet!' Dumbledore explained again.

'Oh I'm telling father about this!' Draco huffed.

'Go ahead your dads here close to you in this building.' Harry yawned.

'Shut up Potter.' Draco hissed.

Meanwhile

'Sevalicious! We are going to dye that fuckers hair. But what color?'

'—Groan—black?'

'Yes…black.' Lucius giggled like a little girl.

'Sounds nice.'

'SSH! I hear the fucker coming with that girl!' Lucius hissed and put a bucket of black hair dye in a bucket on top of the door.

'Ohhh this is going to be sexy and entertaining.' Lucius giggled.

'Mhmm…' Severus smiled.

'Don't smile that's just creepy.' Lucius backed away.

SPLOOSH!

'OH MY FUCKING GOD!'

'Yes we got him!…Geez he has the lungs of a girl.' Lucius clapped.

'Uh…Oh…I-I-I-I'm leavin.' Severus chickened out and ran to the bedroom.

'Uh oh.' Blaze said looking at the drenched Michelle whose hair was not black.

'What just Happened. Where'd Michelle go? Hey there's an Asian in Slytherin! HI!' Draco smiled to Michelle not knowing it was her because her back was facing him.

'AGHH!' Michelle and Draco yelled.

'Oh shit…' Lucius' mouth widened.

Lucius ran up to her, got on his knees, grabbed her hand and started kissing it.

'Please forgive me my pretty lady.'

Michelle snatched her hand away while she, Blaze and Draco all twitched.

'Er…YOUR lady? I ain't nobody's lady!' Michelle hissed

'You will be now!' Lucius went to for a kiss but Michelle kicked him in the balls.

'Bulls eye!' Draco said.

'Ow….'　Lucius said grabbing his groin who was on his knees.

'Come on I need to wash, I want to have brown hair not black hair by tomorrow!' Michelle hissed and walked straight to the girl's dormitory.

Severus Snape was meanwhile watching from above, how could this girl be part Slytherin and part Gryffindor?

Well Severus realized he had to do his noble "steed" work by helping Lucius.

Lucius was a tall boy with a nice six pack, long blond hair totally silky, around 6"3 with the most amazing icy blue eyes that can freeze anyone from the inside and out.

Lucius was on the Slytherin quidditch team and was the ultimate sex god of Hogwarts.

Severus on the other hand was a scrawny kid with black hair and pale skin. Favorite class dark arts and potions. He was just 6"1 but had no muscles around his stomach. He had black eyes that represented the darkness inside him. And obviously Severus or what Lucius like to call him, Sevalicious was not a sex god. Severus' job was to just cheer his bestfriend Lucius during the quidditch games. Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and James Potter were always bullying Severus. His goddess that saved him from the darkness was Lily Evans. She had fiery red hair blue eyes of an angel, skin so smooth that anyone one man or woman would once like to have, perfect body, was an gentle person and had a touch that would heal anything from a broken heart to a terrible wound.

'Mreowr!' Lucius called after Michelle but Michelle glared while Blaze snickered and Draco gave Lucius a Malfoy smirk.

Oh that was the last straw for Lucius NOBODY! Steals the Malfoy toothless gri-…I mean the Malfoy smirk. No one but his daddy, him and all the useless others can do it!

After a while of Lucius and Snape planning to do new things to Draco (Lucius was doing all the thinking) and Draco and Blaze were having a talk they heard a big loud 'FUCK!' from the shower rooms.

'I think she noticed the black is going to be there for a week or two.' Snape rolled his eyes.

'How stupid.' He muttered to him self.

'We better get out of here before she gets all moody.' Blaze said running to the boy's dormitory. Just Draco was about to leave Lucius called up to him.

'Hey you! Blondie boy. –Flips hair--' Lucius sneered.

'I have a name and until than big boy. Good bye.' Draco walked off to his dormitory.

Dumbledore pissed him off but THIS! He could not tolerate. A Young adults hair was his pride and glory HE WILL HAVE REVENGE…but how…

Meanwhile in the Gryffindor dorm.

'Uh gee I guess we have to get to know everyone again.' Hermione said looking at Harry who looked kinda creeped out. Hermione and Harry walked side by side until someone tapped Harry on the shoulder.

'Hiya James!' A young Sirius Black smiled.

'Um I'm not James.' Harry said goggling at his young godfather, Hermione almost went head over heals for him cause he had fine written all over him.

'Oh...um right. Bye.' He waved and walked off.

Harry sat down in front of the fireplace while waiting for Hermione who was unpacking.

'Potter, there you are! I can't believe what you did today! Kissing me when you know I hate you! You sick imbecile!' Lily yelled and slapped Harry across the face who yelped.

Harry turned and met the eyes of the girl. She had flaming hot hair and beautiful green eyes that stood out…But this description…It reminded him of someone…but who?

Harry held his cheek in pain.

'Well what do you have to say for yourself?' The girl hissed while having her hands on her hips.

Hermione walked out and saw Harry get slapped and yelled at.

'Harry! Oh my god are you okay!' Hermione ran up to him.

'Uh yeah…' Harry said.

'What Harry?' The girl looked at him confused.

'Yea, I'm Harry Korten.' Harry said rubbing his cheek.

'Oh…I-I-I-I'm really sorry bout that. Hi I'm Lily Evans. I'm sorry I thought you were James Potter.' Lily kept apologizing.

'It's okay.' Harry said with a bit of surprise. So this was his future mother.

Later

Blaze, Michelle and Draco were talking until they spotted Lucius running.

'You know, your dad sure is bay watch…All he needs is boobs and a bikini.' Michelle whispered while Draco and Blaze shuddered.

For about 5 seconds all three of them imagined a Lucius Malfoy (Adult may I say,) Running around in a red thing bikini swaying his hair in the sea with the water splashing and him giggling.

'Oh gee thanks, I'll never be able to look at my dad normally.' Draco muffled with laughter looking grossed out at the same time.

'Ew I've got black hair!' Michelle whined.

'Makes you look more Asian.' Blaze tried to cheer Michelle up.

'I feel insulted.' Michelle hissed.

Meanwhile back in the future.

Simone lay there on the hospital bed eating chocolate frogs. Ron had been visiting Simone asking if she was okay, She heard from him that Hermione had broke up with him. Simone just lay there and gazed. Than right in front of her bed she noticed Professor Snape was still there. Simone became nervous and wondered if that's what happens if you have the dark mark for too long. She kept on eating her chocolate frogs until Ron came in.

They talked while eating chocolate frogs…until…

'Er…Simone…I…er…was…um…wondering…if um…er…youwouldliketogooutwithme!' Ron turned pink. Simone spat out her chocolate frog, which hit his face.

'I'm sorry I cant I'm going out with someone who I'm not supposed to say.' Simone lied.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Put down!

'Oh okay.' Ron looked a bit disappointed.

'I hope we can be friends thought…' Simone smiled nervously.

Ron nodded but swore he could feel the cupid's arrow dig into him and break his heart.

Dinner in the past

'Oh my god this is good.' Draco wolfed everything down forgetting about his pride.

'Irgremhmmph (I agree! Mmm!)' Blaze nodded.

Harry ate his food gracefully while Hermione ate while talking with Lily Evans her new friend.

James, meanwhile was looking at Harry with interest. He looked exactly like him except he had green eyes and a lightning bolt scar. He really wanted to talk to him so he got up and went towards Harry who was talking with Michelle.

'Hi, I'm James...Call me Prongs.' James said shaking Harry's hand.

'I'm Harry.' Harry said shaking the hand of his future father.

'I'm Remus…Call me Moony. ' A young Lupin shook his hand too.

'I'm Sirius...' Sirius shook his hand gratefully.(A/n I forgot Sirius' nickname aghh! Anyone remember?'

Than a small chubby little boy waddled up to him and said,

'I'm Peter, Peter Pettigrew.'

* * *

--some naked narrartor runs by-- Review review save a few! from the view of the spew in bed with you!

REVIEW! i demand atleast 3 reviews! I wont update! --jumps off building-- No bumping! that is cheap man!


	25. Chapter 25 Updated after how long!

Seducing er Scaring Hogwarts

So it looks like I completely lied to you guys about the 3 reviews and I will update thing. Things may change a bit considering the amount of time I haven't updated...I'm really sorry. I reread the story in hopes that my ideas back than would return to me…A lot of it never did so I apologize beforehand.  
Since it's been like 4 or 5 years since, I have matured (or would like to think that I did) a tiny bit (keyword: tiny.) So the humor may not be as random as it was. I will still try, if I fail, it will most likely be really awkward. I really do apologize from the bottom of my heart to my lovely fans. I'm also planning to rewrite some of the stories from the beginning, make the story a little more understandable, there may be a few tweaks but most of it will be the same. So enjoy! Or I will cry myself to sleep! And if I ruin the story, I'm sorry…

* * *

"Hi, I'm Peter Pettigrew." The small chubby boy sheepishly smiled. Harry had to fight not to kill him; Peter noticed the look of hatred in his eyes and whimpered. All Peter wanted to do was make everyone happy. Hermione held the arm of Harry in hopes to get him back to reality.

"He isn't the Peter that betrayed your parents," Hermione whispered. "Maybe Dumbledore's plan is to save your parents as well."

Harry took a deep breath he really wanted to kill him, really and unfortunately Hermione was right about not killing him. It would completely mess up the future and who knows what havoc that would cause. But than again, it just meant one less prick. Which would mean Sirius and his parents would be alive.

James was still curious about Harry.

"So, how'd you get the scar?" James asked while staring at Harry's forehead.

Harry stared into the young eyes of his father. He really didn't know that in a few years that he would be murdered and be betrayed by one of his best friends. The thought of this made him sick.

"My-" Just as Harry was offering an explanation for his scar Michelle interrupted him.

"I did it to him. Let's just say a prank gone bad." Michelle smiled than left to chow down on her food from the Slytherin table.

"So how do you guys know each other? It looks like you guys all came from the same place." Remus asked suspiciously.

_From the future _Harry thought to himself but fought to say that.

"We came from another school!" Hermione quickly lied. "_Very_ similar to Hogwarts."

"I see." Remus said taking a sip of his juice. "It's very uncommon for students to transfer schools."

Harry and Hermione took a rather large gulp from their drink. Meanwhile, at the Slytherin table Michelle and Blaze were quietly comparing Draco to his teenage father while Draco gave them the death glare.

"He certainly bitches like his father." Blaze whispered followed by a swift kick to the shins from Draco.

"I don't _bitch _I humbly offer my opinion or complain when it is needed." Draco huffed.

"Yeah, complain like a little sissy." Michelle sniggered. Draco gave her another death glare.

Meanwhile on the other side of the Slytherin table, Lucius was sitting with Severus and was watching Draco.

"Did you see _that_!?" Lucius snarled. "That _thief_ just used the Malfoy death glare. My father taught me that!"

"Sure." Severus sighed; he was too busy trying to get back on talking terms with Lily. There was another copy of James Potter near her now. This made things more complicated; bastard probably cloned himself to harass poor Lily from all directions. Merlin's beard, he was probably going to gang rape her with the other copies of himself he kept. He made a mental note to warn her.

"Are you listening?!" Lucius elbowed Severus. Severus had to continue to stay on good terms with Lucius, seeing that Lucius came from a highly respected pureblood family in the wizarding world and Severus was well…a half-breed. Also, ever since Severus had hung around Lucius, Potter didn't even come near him.

"Yes I am Lucius." Severus sighed.

"Hey, Michelle. I dare you to make eye contact with Snape and wink at him than continue to lick your lips at him." Blaze whispered.

"Rub your nipple while you're licking your lips." Draco yawned.

Michelle didn't have to think about it. She _so_ was, but she needed to get his attention.

"I need to get his bloody attention." Michelle sighed. I can't do it unless he looks this way…

"We should acquaint ourselves to Draco's father more." Blaze suggested.

"Why so I can become best friends with him?" Draco sarcastically said.

"Just make sure you sit behind Snape." Michelle grinned.

Harry and Hermione noticed that Michelle, Draco and Blaze were getting up and heading towards Lucius and Snape.

"I sense trouble…"Hermione whispered.

"Trouble?" James smiled instantly. It was like he had a radar for trouble.

Their eyes followed Michelle, Draco and Blaze.

"So" Draco stiffly said to his teenage father as he and Blaze sat themselves beside Severus and Michelle sat down beside Lucius on the long bench forming a party of 5 all sitting beside each other.

"I'm afraid I have the wrong impression on you…Lucius." Michelle said.

She was absolutely right. How can you _hate _the sex god of Slytherin, even girls from other houses practically frolicked behind him. He returned a seductive smile than turned to the other boys, with a look of disgust.

"You're going to have to forgive me, what are your names?" He gave a look that was clear he looked down on them.

"Draco Mal-Manson." Draco hissed remember the fact that he wasn't a Malfoy in this era.  
"Blaze Banzani" Blaze had replied rather professionally.

"Manson and Banzani…Don't believe I've ever heard of those names." Lucius smirked.

Draco was about to give him the 'wait till my father hears about this' speech but then realized that he was talking right to him and for once in his life he didn't have the comfort of the Malfoy family name by his side to protect him.

"…Well that must prove how unknowledgeable you are." Draco snapped back.  
Soon father and son started bickering.

In the meantime Michelle was staring at Severus Snape the entire time. A few times Severus made brief eye contact with her than look away looking rather guilty and would occasionally flush. Michelle was getting rather irritated; her plan was not going as planned.

Finally it seemed that Severus got comfortable enough to look back at her mockingly.

_Show time! _Michelle thought to herself.

She (attempted) to stare seductively at him; he stared back at her rather questioningly. It was beginning to become quite clear that he didn't receive female attention ever. She winked at him as he continued to eye her suspiciously, even when she licked her lips it didn't really seem to occur to him what was happening. The nipple rub was coming soon, but as soon as she did it, it hit him. He turned beet red and his jaw was slowly opening. At one point the awkward look on Severus' face was so noticeable that Lucius stop bickering with Draco and stared at Severus questioningly. Soon Lucius noticing Draco and Blaze sniggering, whenever he turned away Michelle stopped. But as soon as he turned back she continued.

"Are you mocking me?" Lucius finally snapped.

"No." Michelle replied honestly.  
Lucius raised an eyebrow and got up.

"Well," Lucius snapped "Severus and I better be going. I presume I will be seeing you three in the common room." He stuck his nose up and walked away as Severus followed closely behind.

"I respect Professor Snape but I never knew…" Draco trailed off.

"That he was such a wimp?" Blaze finished his sentence with a grin.

"Don't talk about my darling like that!" Michelle rolled her eyes.

"You sound just like Pansy" Blaze added. Michelle immediately scowled at that comment.

They were off to quite a start, the time spent here was surely going to be quite an adventure.

* * *

A/N: Sorry if it wasn't as random as before. I will be updating old chapters, thoughts?


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